Heaven IS for real...

I finished reading this book earlier this week....













Read it.

You can wonder if it is true or not, but even if it isn't, it is still a good read.

In honor of Thanksgiving

Things I'm thankful for (in no particular order)...

My husband. I'm so glad to share this life with him.


My husband's job. I'm still not sure it is real. He works a job he loves so that I can stay home with my baby girl. It seems too good to be true.


Elizabeth. She has forever changed my heart.



My family. Dad, Mom, Reilly, Scott, Amie, Blake, Kerri, Justin, Gran, Grandma, Jona, and Clell. All of them.



My friends. My community.




I am thankful that I have in-laws who have let us take over the upstairs so that we could get out of debt.



I am thankful that we are almost out of debt.

I am thankful that my mother-in-love is doing much better after having 1/2 her lung removed.

Jesus. He gave his all so that I could have it all one day. I want to be like him.

God hates sin, not the sinner.

My preacher said something this past Sunday that really stuck out to me.

"God hates divorce, but he doesn't hate the people who are divorced"

So, I've been thinking about that today. I hate divorce as well. I think it destroys families and ruins lives'. I have a hard time separating the action and the person though. So grateful that God doesn't.

As I was thinking about how God hates divorce, but not people, I started to think about the other things that God hates. Doesn't God hate all sin? If he hated people who sinned, there would be NO ONE for him to Love. Obviously, God loves us. He sent his Son to die for our sins. Why? Because sin separates us from God. He still loves his people, just not the sin in our lives.

Aren't we called to love like Christ loves? Sometimes it is very hard for me to love people who have committed "big" sins. Sins like divorce, drunkenness, homosexuality, adultery, murder, etc. But, what I have realized is that I have to separate the person from their sin. I have to love the person, even if I don't love what they have done.

Why? Well, because God said so. Also, because I am a sinner, but I still want people to love me. I want people to be able to see past my sin and see my heart and that I try to live a life that reflects the love of Christ. Unfortunately, I am not perfect. Doesn't everyone else deserve what I long for?

Is there anyone that is hard for you to love? Homosexuals? Alcoholics? Cheaters? What about your sin?

Love is hard. God didn't promise us that it would be easy. He does command that we love others as we love ourselves. He doesn't put any qualifiers on love. Just to love.

wife, mom, school, babysitter

These four words pretty much sum up my life right now.

I will always be a wife and mom.

I recently applied for and got accepted into the Academic Partnership program at UTA. I just started my one class that I am signed up for. I decided to start with one. I think I'll be signing up for another that starts Nov. 5. We'll see after I take my first quiz tomorrow. Now that I will be forced to be on my computer more, maybe I'll get back to this whole blog thing. I think it will be good for me.

I've been feeling a little anixous lately. Anytime I think of something I need to get done, I get this overwhelming feeling...anxiety. I haven't quite figured out what is causing it, or how to get rid of it. I think maybe it is b/c my days have had no structure. I'm hoping having school work to do each day will help.

I've also just started to watch the Graham kiddos when Momma Graham is at work. I'm excited. Love those kids.

But, like I told my sis-in-law, I don't want to be a babysitter forever, so my goal is to get my BSN and later become a CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife). Baby steps.

the wife of a firefighter

My husband is one of the newest rookies of the Garland Fire Department!

What does this mean for me?

Well, every 3rd day I wake up by myself in bed and go to bed by myself. I think most wives would have a hard time adjusting. Not me. I LOVE it. I get the entire bed to myself and all day that day I don't have to worry about checking in with anyone. I can do what I want, whenever I want (within reason of course...I still have a 3 month old).

I think this is the best job he could have gotten.

I am so grateful that he pushed through the feelings of insecurity and fear that he had at first, and did what it took to get the job and get through the fire academy. I am now able to stay at home with my girl and be the mom I want to be.

I am so grateful for my husband.

He is my hero.

new home, new goal

We now are the newest residents of Sachse, TX. We are living with Scott's parents for 6 mos while we pay off as much debt as possible (the goal is all debt). Hoping to move out and into our own house.

So far, so good.

It's exciting to think that we are getting out of debt. We did everything we could to avoid having any debt, but when Scott lost his job 3 years ago, we couldn't avoid it. We haven't really accumulated more since then, we just haven't been able to swim out of it. We are hoping that this will help us get out and that we will be more prepared in the future.

I cannot explain the burden that debt has put on me/us. I HATE it with every cell in my body. I can't wait to feel the freedom that comes with being debt free.

the new normal...

Life has changed for Scott and I. BIG change. After having Elizabeth Reilly, life was a little crazy. With Scott finishing up Fire Academy, and adjusting to a new schedule with Elle, our lives were very unorganized. If you know me, you know that drives me CRAZY! I like to have a plan and to have some idea of what the day is going to look like. Well, my world is slowly changing.

I've had to realize that there is no such thing as a schedule with her. Just when I think she is getting into a routine...BAM!...she changes it. I think God is definitely teaching me something.

So, our new normal is going to bed after Elle's 11:00 (ish) feeding, sleeping a few hours, feed, sleep a few more hours, wake up for day. Sometimes I am not ready to leave the house until 1:00. Some days I am ready to leave at 9:00 am. SOMETIMES, this makes me really anxious. I then try to get my to do list for the day, but my days seem to blur together and I don't know why it takes so LOOOOONG to get one thing done...oh wait, yes I do. Her name is Elizabeth. I wouldn't trade it for the world though. She is wonderful. So worth it.

Now that life has calmed down a bit and we are learning what works for our family, we have slowly settled into life again. We kind of missed our friends, but have enjoyed spending more time with them lately. It's different because there are several girls running/crawling around (one just lays around still), but it's our new normal.

Doing life together is great!

sleepy thoughts

So, it's 12:00 am, the girl is in bed, the hubby is at work, and I am watching Gilmore Girls. Suddenly, I thought, "I should blog". I have so much to blog. I feel like I have been MIA for a loooooong time. My goal is to blog at least the nights that Scotty is working. That would be every 3rd night....we'll see how it goes.

So, recently God has really been teaching me a lot about relationships. Let's just say I forgot how serious it is that we love each other. I mean really love each other. I think I have been stuck in the self-centered world for a while now and since I have started to come out of it, God has transformed a few of my relationships.

I've learned a lot about myself and areas I need to grow in. First, I need to be more aware of how my mood affects the way I treat others. Part of my selfishness was causing people to think that I didn't like them, when in fact I LOVED them, and considered them some of my closest peeps :-)

Second, I was thinking negative thoughts about a certain individual and it was causing tension between myself and that person. Who am I to think negatively of someone that God loves so dearly. I have since apologized to this person and hope that my thoughts will slowly transform so that I can walk in relationship with this person for MANY years to come!!!

I'm so glad I serve a God who expects the best from me and guides me to be just that!

Indescribable

This is the only word I can come up with to describe how I feel about being a mother. It's overwhelming, in an amazing way. She is a wonderful blessing and I feel so undeserving of her love, but am so honored that God has entrusted me with her life.

the day my life changed forever

March 28, 2010. The birth of my sweet baby girl. Elizabeth Reilly.



Weighing in at 7 lbs. 11 oz. 20.5 inches tall

This is my story....

It really starts March 7, 2010. I got up, got ready for church, started having contractions, but went to church anyway. The contractions were very mild, and I didn't want to get too excited. Also, I had a baby shower that day. So, I went about my day.


After my shower, my contractions started getting closer together. Starting at 15 minutes apart, they were now 6 minutes apart. I decided to try to take a bath and see if they got closer, or if they went away. They moved to 5 minutes apart. I decided I should probably go home (I took a bath at a friends house), and take a nap. It's like 8:00ish by this time. I called my mom to let her know what was going on, and she headed to my house. We took a walk around the block and then laid down for a nap. I woke up about 11:30 and my contractions were 3 minutes apart.

At this point, we decided it was time to go to the hospital. Although, the contractions felt to easy to be the real thing. I should have known then. I got to the hospital and was only dilated a 2 and my contractions stopped altogether. Went back home.

For the next 3 weeks, I had contractions off and on hoping they would turn in to the real thing. They never did. Until that Sunday morning.

3/28/10 9:15 am: I am getting ready for church and have this contraction that hurt more than anything I have ever felt in my life. I was still unsure about it being the real thing. I didn't want to get my hopes up after 3 weeks of nothing. So, I continued to get ready for church. I had another one a few minutes later (wasn't really paying attention to exact time). I decided this must be the real thing b/c these contractions HURT! I told Scott I thought I was in labor, but I still wanted to go to church in case they stopped. So, we loaded up in the car, Scott went to get donuts, and we headed to church. In the 15 minutes it took us to do all this I had 3 more contractions. I decided we needed to turn around and go home.

I called my mom (who was saving us seats at church), to let her know she needed to come now. My contractions started at 5 minutes apart. CRAZY! My mom got to my house (with my dad) and my contractions were INTENSE. She had to call my midwife to let her know we were definitely in labor. I went to the bathroom (b/c that's what they tell you to do) and I came out to my mom telling me we needed to go to the hospital. Aliza said so. At this point I couldn't move without another contraction starting and I didn't want to move. I made it to the car and felt like I had one long contraction ALL the way to the hospital. I prayed for a break the entire way to the hospital. I never got one.

I went straight up to L & D and the nurses got me all settled in. They checked to see how much I was dilated and hooked me up to the monitor to check the baby. I was dilated to a 4-5 and they said that was great. I didn't feel so great. I thought I should be dilated way more for the pain I was in. They assured me I was doing a great job and progressing fast. They told me I could get in the bath after they monitored the baby for 30 minutes. 10 minutes later they decided to let me get in the tub b/c they thought it would help with the pain.

I don't really remember how long I was in the tub, but it couldn't have been longer than 30 minutes. The contractions were so intense I couldn't take it anymore. I decided for the epidural. I debated with the nurses for probably 10 minutes before I finally decided to do it. They called the anesthesiologist to come do the epidural.

Side note: the entire time I was in the tub, I felt like I needed to push, but I was just checked and at a 4-5. I didn't really think it could be time. I was wrong.

30 minutes after I got out of the tub, the anesthesiologist finally showed up and did the epidural. Aliza showed up right before that and once the meds kicked in, she checked to see how I had progressed. I was at a 10. I could have been pushing the whole time. Probably could have done the entire thing naturally like I wanted, but had no idea I was that far along. At first I was kind of frustrated that I had given in to the meds, but later realized I don't regret it at all.

Aliza told me it would be best to let her "labor down" so that I wouldn't have to push as much. 20 minutes or so later, she comes back and it was time. I think I pushed for maybe 30 minutes. The girl was ready. I did have to get an episiotomy b/c her heart rate dropped to 30 and we had to get her out, but she came out FAST!

3:31 Elizabeth Reilly plopped her way into the world. Not breathing. Talk about scary. They called the Neonatal Nurse Practitioner in to get her breathing. It didn't take long, but was the scariest 2-3 minutes of my life. Aliza spanked her for me later. Also, she was pooping like crazy. Her Daddy's first words to her were "you sure are full of shit". Poor girl. She was just in shock.

It wasn't over yet. I'll spare all the dirty details, but it took Aliza 30 minutes to get my placenta out. She literally had her hand elbow deep inside of me trying to get it out. When she pulled it out she said "it just looks ancient". It didn't even look like a placenta. This part is the reason I am so grateful I got the epidural. Even with the meds, this was the most painful part. I can't imagine what it would have felt like if I didn't have paid meds.

6 hrs. total. It happened so fast, I barely remember the details. I didn't have time to stop and use all the techniques I learned in my Bradley class. I never got a break from contractions. It defintely didn't go as planned. But, in the end, I had a beautiful baby girl to hold and cuddle with. Nothing mattered after that. Words cannot describe how I felt. Literally. I have yet to figure out how to describe how I feel about being a mom, or this little girl. My world has changed. In one single day (really just a few hours), my life is completely different.




So, here I am. Trying to figure out how to be a mom...