the one with my thoughts...

Nittney's Creations...here we go!!

2011-11-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I wanted to learn to crochet. I was going on a trip to Oklahoma with my parents and decided to teach myself on the way. It was successful and I spent many hours crocheting simple things. I slowly got better, but never would have considered my stuff good enough to sell. After my daughter was born, I took a long hiatus from crocheting. Not on purpose, but you know, life changed.

My best friend, Brittney (yes we have the same name), had recently been bugging me to crochet (and teach her to do a beanie). Now I am pregnant with my second daughter and back to crocheting. I feel like the hiatus somehow made me better. It took me a few stitches, but I got the hang of it again pretty fast. My first project was a scarf for myself and a matching hat. It turned out amazing. I am usually very critical of my own work, but I was impressed. I made hats for Elle and Lorelai and decided they had plenty, so I started making them for friends.

Once I started giving them away, people started telling me I should sell them on etsy. My first reaction was "I couldn't do that". The stuff you see on etsy is cute and "perfect". My stuff is still far from perfect. I didn't have the confidence to think my stuff would even sell on etsy. But, the more I thought about it, the more I am convinced I could help my family out financially by doing something that I love to do: crochet.

I still have some hesitation and fears. I don't want to feel overwhelmed, and I don't want this hobby to become more "work" than "fun". It's relaxing to me and I am afraid if I start doing it as a business, I will lose that enjoyment. But, nonetheless, I am going to take this leap and see where I land.

So, etsy account set up....just have to add items. Will do that during nap time I guess. Gotta get this girl lunch and sleep.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/nittney

For my dad...on his day!

2011-06-19T19:15:00.000-07:00

Everyone is blessed by their father. EVERYONE! You wouldn't be here without him.

But, not everyone is blessed to have a Daddy. I have a very special kind.

My Daddy didn't have that "you slipped into my arms and into my heart" kind of moment. I wasn't a perfect sweet little newborn when he met me. He had a different kind of introduction to fatherhood.

Not only did two little girls invade his house, but the oldest (me) was stubborn, smart, and a terror. Not always, but a lot.

But, my dad never lost his temper, never gave up, and constantly loved me. He made sure I knew he was going to love me no matter what, and he never abandoned me. Most 6 year olds don't worry about their father abandoning them (unless of course he has), but I did.

My Daddy is one of the most mild mannered, sensitive, "keep his cool" kind of guy I know. Even when he would discipline us, he never let his anger control him and we could tell it was killing him inside. I don't believe most parents when they say "this hurts me more than you", but for him I think it probably hurt just as much.

Despite the fact that my Daddy is not biological, I've never felt otherwise. In fact, sometimes I really do forget that I'm adopted. I forget that he missed out on the first 6 years of my life and to him I'm really only 19. I forget that I didn't get my blue eyes from him, or my stubborn will. I forget that he didn't get to experience the bonding with a precious newborn, like I did with my daughter.

I am amazed at the love he has shown me despite all of those things he didn't get to experience. He loved me just the same. As if he did bond with me as a newborn and watch me grow. He picked up the pieces of my brokenness and put them back together. He made sure I knew how a man was supposed to care for his family. He made sure that I knew I deserved to be treated better.

My Daddy wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me. God knew that. I don't think it was God's plan (from the beginning) for my birth parents to destroy their lives' and those of their children, but it was his plan to provide me with Amazing parents when they did.

I am thankful for my heavenly Daddy who has carried me through it all.

I am thankful for my Daddy as well as my Daddy in love. These men have been consistent and have loved me through a lot, and now I get to watch them love and adore my sweet little girl. I get to watch them be Papa's. Definitely a title they both carry well. I am thankful that they are such great examples for my daughter. That she will know how boys and eventually men should treat her.

I am thankful for my husband who has been an amazing daddy, and has grown so much in the past 15 months. This girl of ours has stretched him and blessed him beyond his wildest dreams. Not only will she have a great example in her Papa's, but her Daddy will be the best example of all.

Motherhood x2

2011-05-10T20:32:00.001-07:00

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am going to be a mother to two children. It seems surreal and I sometimes forget that I am pregnant. I blame it partly on my preggo brain and partly on the 1 year old distraction that I call Elizabeth.

Part of me cannot wait for this bundle to arrive, but the other part wants it to be just the 3 of us a little longer. While I have no doubts about being a family of 4, I know I can never go back to only being 3. I will have to give two children a bath, tuck two children into bed, worry about feeding two children, and love two children.

Honestly, I don't know how I could love another child as much as I love Elle. I know that I will and that God will provide that love through me, beyond my understanding, but I cannot imagine. I'm almost afraid to. It feels like if I love another child as much as I love her, then I can't possibly love her like this. I don't want to stop loving her as much as I do, and I don't want to split that love. But, I am certain that God will not allow that and he will just give me more love to share. I don't know how it is possible, but if he can do it for the world, certainly I can do it for two children.

Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted several children, but this time of being pregnant is time for me to process through these feelings. I didn't expect to love Elle the way I do. In a way that I cannot even describe. In a way that I do not understand completely, myself. I look at her and I am overwhelmed by emotions and love (that could also be the hormones right now). I might just have a heart attack with all the emotions I'll have for 2.

I longed to be a mother my whole life. I let go of other dreams because the dream of motherhood was so much greater and I wouldn't trade it for the world. This is so much better than any other way I could have imagined my life turning out.

I longed to be a mother and loved the idea of it. Now that I am a mother, I love it even more.

Update on those New Year's resolutions...

2011-03-29T22:02:00.000-07:00

I have started walking. This week will be my first full week (at least 5/7 days).

I have started playing my violin again.

I have stopped texting while I'm driving.

Obviously the first two have yet to become habits, but I'm one step closer.

everything you need to know about her first year!

2011-03-27T20:29:00.000-07:00

That's how old she'll be tomorrow.

After a short and sweet 6 hr labor she arrived at 3:30 pm March 28, 2010.

She rolled over, started getting teeth, and started eating solids at 4 months

She sat up on her own at 6 months

She crawled and started talking around 7 months

She started walking at 9.5 months

She is now 12 months old, and so much FUN! The girl has personality, a strong will, and such a sweet heart!

It is amazing that a newborn who can't do anything on her own has become an independent girl in 365 days. That's all it took. 365 days.

What a beautiful blessing she has been.

She loves baby dolls, Elmo, and climbing into chairs.

She likes her green beans mixed in with yogurt and her favorite vegetable is sweet potatoes. She also loves puffs and really anything that is sweet (she gets that from her mommy).

She loves to take baths and hates to wear shoes. She falls asleep with her "baby" which is any stuffed animal that has a face.

She says dada, mama, papa, mamie, jojo, bay (for blake), yi-yie (for reilly), augie, elmo, baby, and her favorite...key (for kitty). Oh yes, she also says peas and tatu.She's gonna talk our ears off.

She really loves her daddy...and this picture frame (with pic of her and her daddy) holds a special place in her heart.

She does not like to share and if you try to take something from her she says "NO". Which is cute, but not so cute. How do you teach a 1 year old not to say "no"?

She loves these two...bff's.

It's been an eventful year, but I have a feeling the next one will be even more eventful!

Being her mom is still the best job in the world!

Facebook saved her life...

2011-03-05T21:07:00.000-08:00

Okay that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it did help save her.

Let's just say I'm not going to get Mother of the Year for 2011.

For those of you who haven't heard...I locked my child in the car with my keys and phone.

Back in the "ol days" I would have just used my house phone to call 911, but these days, my cell phone is my house phone.

So, I got on facebook and messaged a friend because I know she gets text messages when someone messages her and I didn't want it on her wall for all the world to see...just yet. Thank God, she messaged back and came over.

Once she got to the house she called 9-1-1 and our brave Wylie firemen came to my rescue.

Yes, they laughed at me! Yes, they know my husband has applied for a part time position for WFD! And, yes, they know my BIL is Blake. Sorry guys! Fortunately for the both of you it was a B shift so you will probably never see them. At least any damage done to you will be minimal :-)

If you were worried about Elle, don't. She was fine. All settled in to her car seat, kicked back, watching Baby Einstein. Every time I looked in on her she would laugh. Pretty sure she thought it was a game. Thank God!

The firemen were able to get the door open and once again we were on our way.

Thank you God for the humiliation and reminding me that I cannot do this mothering thing alone. I definitely need this village of mine to help me!

Thank you Brittney for being an iPhone junkie. Thank you for Wylie Fire Department for breaking into my car without breaking my car. And, Thank you Elle for being the best baby ever!

Nursing School

2011-03-02T21:16:00.000-08:00

I'm waiting. Waiting for the letter in the mail that says "We regret to inform you..." or "We are excited to tell you...".

Either way, my life changes drastically.

If I get accepted, I will start a 15 month journey of nonstop school. If I don't get accepted, I have to make more decisions. Decisions about career, motherhood, and my future.

If I get accepted, that's it. I will be a nurse. If I don't. That's it. I won't be a nurse...at least not anytime soon.

So, I wait. Eagerly. Patiently. I wait.

I want to get it. There, I said it. I want this. I desperately want it.

It is hard for me to admit I want it because then if I don't get it, I have to admit that my world is crushed. I have to admit defeat and all of the emotions that come with it.

I'd rather no one knew I want it because then I can hide those emotions from the world.

The problem is, I need to tell you. I need to let the world know I WANT THIS!!! This desire is building up inside and I need someone else to wait with me. I'm not sure how long the wait is, but I'll let you know when I find out.

Where did the last 10 months go?

2011-02-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

My little princess is 11 months old.

Suddenly she looks like a little girl. She walks. She talks. She has a ponytail. She knows who her daddy is. She throws fits. She eats table food. She is not breastfeeding anymore. She has an opinion. She loves babies. She wears 12-18 mo clothing. She can pick up "heavy" toys and carry them. She says thank you when I give her something, without prompting. She loves (more like is obsessed with) Elmo. She is content to play by herself. She has friends. She drinks cow's milk. She wears size 4 shoes. She is a big girl now.

Her personality is coming out more and more and I love to be the one that sees it first. What a blessing it is to be this girls mother. I still don't have words to describe it.

My favorite part is seeing her with her daddy. The older she gets, the better it gets. She loves him. She asks for him. She misses him when he is gone. I love that.

Never in my life did I expect motherhood to be this good...and I expected it to be good.

lessons from a 10 mo old

2011-02-23T12:28:00.000-08:00

Things that may happen when you paint with a 10 mo old:

she may put your iPhone 4 in the roller pan...which is better than the paint bucket.

she may decide her toy fire truck needs a new paint job and put it in the paint bucket.

she may want to listen to the same song over and over and over again...or at least she may have figured out how to put your iPod on repeat.

she may try to finger paint...not good when the color you are using is dark brown.

Ways to avoid the above from happening:

paint while she is napping.

create a playpen by shutting the laundry room door to the house and putting up a baby gate in the doorway to the garage.

have someone watch her while you paint.

Lesson learned.

A reason to get the carpet cleaned...

2011-02-13T20:47:00.001-08:00

Scott and I went today to do the final (or what we thought would be the final) walk through on the house we are purchasing this week. Boy, were we in for a surprise.

We walked in to find beer bottles and vodka on the counter as well as two black trash bags full of empty beer bottles and pizza boxes.

But, that wasn't the worst part. My poor mother-in-love walked out of the master bedroom and announced that there was vomit on the floor! Yep, that's right. A wonderful little move in present.

There was another little pile in one of the other bedrooms. The same room that the window was cracked about 1.5 inches. We are assuming that was their escape route.

Our realtor stated that this was a first for him. Most people that break into vacant houses do so to steal appliances, not throw a party.

I hope it was worth it to them. I hope they had fun getting drunk and puking up their pizza.

At least the carpets will be freshly cleaned when we move in...

My purse

2011-02-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

It's pink and brown with polka dots. It carries things like diapers, wipes, a change of clothes (sometimes), medications of sorts, pacifiers, sippy cups, snacks, my wallet and Burt's Bees, and occasionally a dirty diaper.

One day I'll have a grown up purse again. In like 10 years.

the last couple weeks

2011-02-02T20:35:00.001-08:00

I had the flu, a stomach bug, bought a house, and my girl has started walking. In a nutshell.

Sickness overcame me for way too long. So thankful for health. Also, very thankful that my girl didn't get it too bad. Only symptom of the flu that she had was a fever. it lasted a couple of days and went away. Only symptom of the stomach bug, was some slight diarrhea. I would much rather have had both of those.

Scott and I found a house we fell in love with. We put in an offer, had the inspection, and we close in 2 weeks. February 15th. The best Valentine's day present ever. EVER! It will be great to have our own house again. We have so appreciated being able to live here to get out of debt and are so thankful to have parents who would let us, but it's time.

I can't wait to have a garage, my own office/work space, kitchen, fireplace, bedroom, closet, etc.

Oh yes. Elle is walking...some. She is still a little shaky and would rather crawl most of the time, but she is getting more and more confident. She started at 9 1/2 months. I think that makes her a genius. Plus, the fact that she has a whole list of words she can say. Please and thank you, up, down, dog, and kitty. She also makes a motion for all done (hard to explain). She doesn't however say Ma Ma or Da Da on a regular basis. Those have been a little more difficult for some reason. She can say them, but she says Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma... or Da Da Da Da...

She is getting big, fast. She is going to be 1 year old very soon. VERY SOON! Especially with all the excitement of moving into a house. Yikes. We are going to be parents of a 1 year old!

Very random, but it was my life the last two weeks.

My child is a Billy Goat

2011-01-19T15:59:00.000-08:00

Really.

Earlier, I cleaned out her diaper bag (movie tickets, receipts, puffs, etc). I was in a hurry, so I put them in a nice pile on my bedside table.

As I was typing the last blog, she managed to eat all of the puffs and get started on the movie ticket. It's almost gone.

Patience is a virtue...that I don't really care to learn

2011-01-19T15:51:00.000-08:00

Honestly.

I know it probably is not a good thing that I don't want to learn patience. But, I know how God teaches patience. I don't want to learn. I've never asked for it and I'm sure God is trying to teach me, but that doesn't mean I want to.

As we have gone through the process of buying a house (well we had to get out of credit card debt first), I have never once asked for patience. Just like when I was trying to get pregnant. Or, when I was pregnant and waiting for my bundle of joy to come OUT!

And, even though I didn't ask for it, I think God is still trying to get it through my thick skull. I'm sure of it. Why else would it take a month to close on a house? Just because God is trying to teach me patience, right?

Okay, maybe it has something to do with all of the background checking up on both the seller and buyer that they have to do. I don't know. But, this is ridiculous. Next time I'm paying cash.

Probably not, but it would be nice.

All that to say. We are buying a house. I pretty nice house. I feel very blessed. I would never have guessed that this house would be our first home (that we bought). I'll post pictures when we are actually the proud owners. For now, you blog readers (all one of you) will have to wait. Besides, if you are reading, you probably already saw the pictures.

And, hopefully in the next few weeks I will have picked up some patience along the way.

a simple reminder

2011-01-18T10:46:00.001-08:00

When I was pregnant my fingers swelled and I could no longer wear my wedding and engagement rings. My wonderful husband bought me a temporary ring from James Avery so that I wouldn't feel like I wasn't married at all. It wasn't the same, but it was sufficient.

After our little princess was born, my fingers shrunk, but never got back to their original size (despite the fact that I lost more weight than I gained). I had to get my rings re-sized.

When they were returned they fit great. My fingers even shrunk a little more which was nice. So, I had my rings back. I was married again. Then, the pearl started coming loose. I had to ship them off once again.

3 weeks later, I now have my engagement ring back :-)

I can't explain the feeling of having my rings back. I'm not a materialistic person, but these rings mean something to me. They remind me daily of the commitment I have made to my husband. To love him forever.

My husband also has been without a wedding band for about a year now. He jammed his finger doing something at work and since then he has not been able to fit his ring over his knuckle.

For Christmas, I bought him a new ring. Actually, it's the one he originally wanted, but I didn't think black was a romantic color for a wedding band. I was being silly. This ring is perfect for him. We picked his ring up yesterday. He is married again too. Although this picture makes it look like it is turning his hand black.

These rings, they are simple reminders.

a year later...

2011-01-15T20:52:00.000-08:00

A year ago, my husband started his journey to firefighter.

A year ago I wrote the following to him (I actually read it):

Scott,

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future”

God has plans for you in this job. I know you are nervous and it seems impossible, but lets take a step back and look at how you got here and how God‘s hand has been guiding you the entire way.

A few months ago you were changing your spark plugs and as I was sitting at the table with your mom, she mentioned something about the Garland Fire Department test coming up in October. I didn’t really think much about it at the time and even defended you b/c I didn’t want you to feel pressured to do something I thought you didn’t want to do. BUT, then I started thinking about it. Why didn’t you want to do it? Was it b/c you were afraid you wouldn’t get it? Well, I decided I wanted you to do it. I wanted you to take the test and go for it. I wanted to have security in knowing my husband could take care of his growing family if I decided I didn’t want to work. As selfish as that seems I think God was just planting the seed in me. He knew you wouldn’t do it on your own b/c you feared failure. He knew you wouldn’t do it if your parents said something b/c, well they’re your parents…what do they know?? As hard as it was for me to pressure you into something like that, I did it. I sat you down, told you what I needed/wanted from you and we signed you up to take the test.

October (insert date): it’s the big day. You didn’t want anyone to know you were taking the test…it was part of that fear you would fail thing, but I think somehow your mom knew. She had been praying for you b/c she’s a good mom like that. She knows that prayer is the most powerful weapon she can use for her children. So, you’re pretty nervous, but not too bad. You’ve taken the test before and scored 6 out of 700 plus people. This time 19 out of 700 plus people. You’re moving on. Thank you, God.

What’s next?? Physical agility. 2 days later you have to be there by 9:00 ready to do a list of physical tasks that are timed. A little nervous, but again, you’ve done this before and passed just fine. I didn’t go b/c I get too nervous watching things like this, but I prayed for you from home (pretty much the entire time you were gone). However, your dad, brother, and Colt were there to support and cheer you on. And, you had many other people praying for you that morning…most of them sitting here today. You passed. Thank you, God.

Then you bring home this GIANT background check packet to be completed and turned in within a couple of weeks. Still procrastinators at heart, we put it off and put it off. Finally we decide we should probably fill this thing out. We had done it before, it shouldn’t be too bad. Uh-Oh! What happened to all the information about your tickets?? Well, your wife, being the clean freak, everything has to be organized, person that I am just cleaned out all of my old files and threw all of them away. They were old and when on earth were we ever going to need that information? NOW! How do we get information about old tickets? We have to go to every single court house of the cities where you have gotten tickets. Even though you haven’t gotten one in 5 years, you weren’t so good as a teenager. Garland, Richardson, and Wylie. Is that all? We think so. I go to all of them and Garland and Richardson will give me your information, but Wylie won’t. You have to go. Do you remember almost giving up at this point?? Aren’t you glad you didn’t?? Packet done. Thank you God. Captain Morris calls…did you forget something in your packet?? HELLO, you had another ticket in Allen 5 years ago. How could you forget?? It’s okay though, he’s going to give you a chance to redeem yourself. Got it. Now it’s done. Passed. Thank you God.

Wow, have we really gotten this far?? Is this really going to happen?? Time for the interview. No biggie. Not that nervous. Talked to a few guys about it, get all dressed up, and head off. Enter room. Whoa! 15 guys looks like a lot more than it sounds. NERVOUS! You answer some questions and after getting feedback feel a little discouraged and worried. You talked to soft and didn’t seem sure about yourself or your answers. You took too long to respond and even though one guy thought you did okay, he’s not so sure about the rest. But, you passed. Thank you God!!!

So here you are number 9 and all you have left is the polygraph, chief interview, and physical. It seems so close, but you don’t want to celebrate b/c you are afraid it still won’t happen. I have to admit. Until this point, I didn’t think it was really going to happen. I know how hard it is to get hired on the Garland Fire Department and I thought it was too good to be true, but I also knew God was walking through this with you and he gave me that little glimmer of hope when there seemed to be none. At this point, I knew you were getting the job. I had my doubts of course b/c I know things can happen, but I knew you had the job. You are now number 9 on the list and they are hiring 10-12.

Polygraph. You were so nervous, it was kind of cute. Worried about music piracy. You had reason to be. I mean if Blake, who I’m not sure if he’s ever told a lie in his entire life, can fail a polygraph, then what is keeping you from failing?? Well Blake, he didn’t. So, turns out, your brother is more honest than you. Lie detector said so. Passed. Thank you, God.

As we all know things can change at the drop of a hat. One Sunday morning your dad is talking to Captain Morris at church who informs him that the Chief decided they can only hire 8 and he’s not budging. When your dad tells the story to us, he decideds to leave out the part that you are number 8!!! As your dad boldly stated “God is watching out for you”.

Chief interview. Passed. Not really an interview at all. You get a job offer and come home with an employee packet. Can we celebrate?? NO! Still have to get a physical.

Medical physical. Waiting FOREVER to get the results of your x-rays. Passed.

After what seems like forever, you are officially a Garland Fire Department Recruit. We can finally celebrate!

What does this mean? It means you are about to start the Garland Fire Academy. You are about to go through, from what I understand, can only be described as training hell. You are about to be tested beyond your limits to see if you have what it takes to be a Garland Firefighter. I assure you, you don’t. I know you are nervous and you should be. Fortunately, you have someone watching out for you. You have someone who is stronger and smarter than any chief or captain will ever be. You have a God who obviously wants you to succeed. If you can remember to draw your strength from him, you will have what it takes to be a Garland Firefighter. You will be the best, b/c God is the best.

Colossians 3:23 says “do everything as if you are doing it for the LORD”. I challenge you to wake up at 5:00 every morning and remember who you are going to work for. He got you this far and he will get you the rest of the way.

All of these people are here today b/c they love you and want to show their support. We are all behind you 100 percent. We will be here to encourage you when you feel like giving up. We will be here to celebrate with you when you feel great. We will be here to pray for you every step of the way. We will be here b/c we are your familyand we are so proud of what you have accomplished. You did it babe! You did it! The journey is going to be long, but that’s why God put all of these people in your life. There was a time in your life when you felt like you had no friends. Look around this room. God has been and will always be watching out for you.

Today, I have the privilege to wake up 2 out of 3 days next to the cutest firefighter around. You did it BABE! You made it through the Academy and through being "the rookie". I'm so proud of you and so glad you love your job as much as you do.

I am writing this blog as a reminder of God's favor in my life. A reminder of the blessings he has poured upon my family. I don't ever want to forget that it is because of Him that I am living this life. I am so grateful for all of these blessings and the great things God has done during 2010 (more to come about that later).

Thank you God. Thank you Scott.

2011 goals

2011-01-11T15:48:00.001-08:00

1. walk 4x a week (already failed at this one due to really COLD weather!) I will accomplish this though and it will become a habit.

2. no texting while driving. period. ever.
I try not to do this as I think it is stupid, but sometimes I catch myself responding with a quick yes or no. not good.

3. Take more time for myself to spend journaling, playing my violin, and reading my Bible. Haven't quite figured this one out yet, but it will happen.

Reilly Genia Shea Harrison

2011-01-08T20:39:00.001-08:00

That's my sister. My biological sister. This post is dedicated to her.

She holds a huge piece of my heart. She has brought me joy, tears, laughter, and many bruises :-)

When my parents first got us, I had just started 1st grade. So, I left every morning to go to school, which meant my sister and mom got lots of bonding time. I love to hear stories from this time.

My favorite....

Mom wants to work out. Drops Reilly off at child care at the "club". Mom starts working out and breaking a sweat (a big deal for her). Reilly is screaming in the child care. Child care calls my mom down to room. Mom has to take Reilly home. Mom lectures 3 year old Reilly all the way home. Next day... Reilly says "Mommy go to pug". HUH??? "Mommy go to pug, Reilly won't cry". AH! So cute.

second favorite....

Mom goes to bathroom. Reilly follows, sticks her hands under the door saying "Mommy! Mommy!".

I wish I had known she was cute back then. I missed it.

I LOVE YOU REILLY GENIA SHEA HARRISON!!

....and it continues

2011-01-08T20:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I figured it was time to write more of my story. It is very slowly coming together. If you haven't read the first few posts about this topic, you have some catching up to do (otherwise it won't make sense). So, I've kindly posted links to the first few posts :-)

In the beginning

First step to true love

Stories from foster care

Step 1 meet parents

So, I left off telling you about the roller coaster my parents went through to get us. After the final decision was made that we would be theirs, it was time for us to be a family!

September 11, 1992 - the day we moved in. I had just started 1st grade and Reilly was 2 & 1/2. My parents had their hands full to say the least. My mom took 8 weeks (I think) of maternity leave and was very ready to go back to get a break from us. Can you imagine getting a 6 year old and a 2 1/2 year old at once? I have a 9 month old and she enough to handle right now. Amazing parents I have. Simply amazing.

So there was a period of time before the adoption was legal. We had to go before a judge, get our names legally changed, and literally we were "reborn". I think it was 6 months later, but I could totally be wrong. I'm sure my dad will correct me if I am. That day came. I forgot to mention that in my dad's dream we were wearing red plaid dresses with scottie dogs on them. So, guess what we were wearing...you guessed it. Red plaid dresses with scottie dogs. We stood before the judge as my parents went through all the legal stuff until we were FINALLY theirs!

And, I thought it was hard to wait 9 months for my princess. At least they got two out of the deal :-)

We became the Harrison family. 4 of us. I had parents again. I had stability.

...stay tuned.

Heaven IS for real...

2010-12-28T20:19:00.000-08:00

I finished reading this book earlier this week....

Read it.

You can wonder if it is true or not, but even if it isn't, it is still a good read.

In honor of Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T19:53:00.001-08:00

Things I'm thankful for (in no particular order)...

My husband. I'm so glad to share this life with him.

My husband's job. I'm still not sure it is real. He works a job he loves so that I can stay home with my baby girl. It seems too good to be true.

Elizabeth. She has forever changed my heart.

My family. Dad, Mom, Reilly, Scott, Amie, Blake, Kerri, Justin, Gran, Grandma, Jona, and Clell. All of them.

My friends. My community.

I am thankful that I have in-laws who have let us take over the upstairs so that we could get out of debt.

I am thankful that we are almost out of debt.

I am thankful that my mother-in-love is doing much better after having 1/2 her lung removed.

Jesus. He gave his all so that I could have it all one day. I want to be like him.

God hates sin, not the sinner.

2010-11-01T14:22:00.001-07:00

My preacher said something this past Sunday that really stuck out to me.

"God hates divorce, but he doesn't hate the people who are divorced"

So, I've been thinking about that today. I hate divorce as well. I think it destroys families and ruins lives'. I have a hard time separating the action and the person though. So grateful that God doesn't.

As I was thinking about how God hates divorce, but not people, I started to think about the other things that God hates. Doesn't God hate all sin? If he hated people who sinned, there would be NO ONE for him to Love. Obviously, God loves us. He sent his Son to die for our sins. Why? Because sin separates us from God. He still loves his people, just not the sin in our lives.

Aren't we called to love like Christ loves? Sometimes it is very hard for me to love people who have committed "big" sins. Sins like divorce, drunkenness, homosexuality, adultery, murder, etc. But, what I have realized is that I have to separate the person from their sin. I have to love the person, even if I don't love what they have done.

Why? Well, because God said so. Also, because I am a sinner, but I still want people to love me. I want people to be able to see past my sin and see my heart and that I try to live a life that reflects the love of Christ. Unfortunately, I am not perfect. Doesn't everyone else deserve what I long for?

Is there anyone that is hard for you to love? Homosexuals? Alcoholics? Cheaters? What about your sin?

Love is hard. God didn't promise us that it would be easy. He does command that we love others as we love ourselves. He doesn't put any qualifiers on love. Just to love.

wife, mom, school, babysitter

2010-10-25T20:50:00.000-07:00

These four words pretty much sum up my life right now.

I will always be a wife and mom.

I recently applied for and got accepted into the Academic Partnership program at UTA. I just started my one class that I am signed up for. I decided to start with one. I think I'll be signing up for another that starts Nov. 5. We'll see after I take my first quiz tomorrow. Now that I will be forced to be on my computer more, maybe I'll get back to this whole blog thing. I think it will be good for me.

I've been feeling a little anixous lately. Anytime I think of something I need to get done, I get this overwhelming feeling...anxiety. I haven't quite figured out what is causing it, or how to get rid of it. I think maybe it is b/c my days have had no structure. I'm hoping having school work to do each day will help.

I've also just started to watch the Graham kiddos when Momma Graham is at work. I'm excited. Love those kids.

But, like I told my sis-in-law, I don't want to be a babysitter forever, so my goal is to get my BSN and later become a CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife). Baby steps.

the wife of a firefighter

2010-07-20T21:34:00.001-07:00

My husband is one of the newest rookies of the Garland Fire Department!

What does this mean for me?

Well, every 3rd day I wake up by myself in bed and go to bed by myself. I think most wives would have a hard time adjusting. Not me. I LOVE it. I get the entire bed to myself and all day that day I don't have to worry about checking in with anyone. I can do what I want, whenever I want (within reason of course...I still have a 3 month old).

I think this is the best job he could have gotten.

I am so grateful that he pushed through the feelings of insecurity and fear that he had at first, and did what it took to get the job and get through the fire academy. I am now able to stay at home with my girl and be the mom I want to be.

I am so grateful for my husband.

He is my hero.

new home, new goal

2010-07-10T22:03:00.001-07:00

We now are the newest residents of Sachse, TX. We are living with Scott's parents for 6 mos while we pay off as much debt as possible (the goal is all debt). Hoping to move out and into our own house.

So far, so good.

It's exciting to think that we are getting out of debt. We did everything we could to avoid having any debt, but when Scott lost his job 3 years ago, we couldn't avoid it. We haven't really accumulated more since then, we just haven't been able to swim out of it. We are hoping that this will help us get out and that we will be more prepared in the future.

I cannot explain the burden that debt has put on me/us. I HATE it with every cell in my body. I can't wait to feel the freedom that comes with being debt free.

the new normal...

2010-07-01T22:26:00.001-07:00

Life has changed for Scott and I. BIG change. After having Elizabeth Reilly, life was a little crazy. With Scott finishing up Fire Academy, and adjusting to a new schedule with Elle, our lives were very unorganized. If you know me, you know that drives me CRAZY! I like to have a plan and to have some idea of what the day is going to look like. Well, my world is slowly changing.

I've had to realize that there is no such thing as a schedule with her. Just when I think she is getting into a routine...BAM!...she changes it. I think God is definitely teaching me something.

So, our new normal is going to bed after Elle's 11:00 (ish) feeding, sleeping a few hours, feed, sleep a few more hours, wake up for day. Sometimes I am not ready to leave the house until 1:00. Some days I am ready to leave at 9:00 am. SOMETIMES, this makes me really anxious. I then try to get my to do list for the day, but my days seem to blur together and I don't know why it takes so LOOOOONG to get one thing done...oh wait, yes I do. Her name is Elizabeth. I wouldn't trade it for the world though. She is wonderful. So worth it.

Now that life has calmed down a bit and we are learning what works for our family, we have slowly settled into life again. We kind of missed our friends, but have enjoyed spending more time with them lately. It's different because there are several girls running/crawling around (one just lays around still), but it's our new normal.

Doing life together is great!

sleepy thoughts

2010-06-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

So, it's 12:00 am, the girl is in bed, the hubby is at work, and I am watching Gilmore Girls. Suddenly, I thought, "I should blog". I have so much to blog. I feel like I have been MIA for a loooooong time. My goal is to blog at least the nights that Scotty is working. That would be every 3rd night....we'll see how it goes.

So, recently God has really been teaching me a lot about relationships. Let's just say I forgot how serious it is that we love each other. I mean really love each other. I think I have been stuck in the self-centered world for a while now and since I have started to come out of it, God has transformed a few of my relationships.

I've learned a lot about myself and areas I need to grow in. First, I need to be more aware of how my mood affects the way I treat others. Part of my selfishness was causing people to think that I didn't like them, when in fact I LOVED them, and considered them some of my closest peeps :-)

Second, I was thinking negative thoughts about a certain individual and it was causing tension between myself and that person. Who am I to think negatively of someone that God loves so dearly. I have since apologized to this person and hope that my thoughts will slowly transform so that I can walk in relationship with this person for MANY years to come!!!

I'm so glad I serve a God who expects the best from me and guides me to be just that!

Indescribable

2010-04-30T04:28:00.000-07:00

This is the only word I can come up with to describe how I feel about being a mother. It's overwhelming, in an amazing way. She is a wonderful blessing and I feel so undeserving of her love, but am so honored that God has entrusted me with her life.

the day my life changed forever

2010-04-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

March 28, 2010. The birth of my sweet baby girl. Elizabeth Reilly.

Weighing in at 7 lbs. 11 oz. 20.5 inches tall

This is my story....

It really starts March 7, 2010. I got up, got ready for church, started having contractions, but went to church anyway. The contractions were very mild, and I didn't want to get too excited. Also, I had a baby shower that day. So, I went about my day.

After my shower, my contractions started getting closer together. Starting at 15 minutes apart, they were now 6 minutes apart. I decided to try to take a bath and see if they got closer, or if they went away. They moved to 5 minutes apart. I decided I should probably go home (I took a bath at a friends house), and take a nap. It's like 8:00ish by this time. I called my mom to let her know what was going on, and she headed to my house. We took a walk around the block and then laid down for a nap. I woke up about 11:30 and my contractions were 3 minutes apart.

At this point, we decided it was time to go to the hospital. Although, the contractions felt to easy to be the real thing. I should have known then. I got to the hospital and was only dilated a 2 and my contractions stopped altogether. Went back home.

For the next 3 weeks, I had contractions off and on hoping they would turn in to the real thing. They never did. Until that Sunday morning.

3/28/10 9:15 am: I am getting ready for church and have this contraction that hurt more than anything I have ever felt in my life. I was still unsure about it being the real thing. I didn't want to get my hopes up after 3 weeks of nothing. So, I continued to get ready for church. I had another one a few minutes later (wasn't really paying attention to exact time). I decided this must be the real thing b/c these contractions HURT! I told Scott I thought I was in labor, but I still wanted to go to church in case they stopped. So, we loaded up in the car, Scott went to get donuts, and we headed to church. In the 15 minutes it took us to do all this I had 3 more contractions. I decided we needed to turn around and go home.

I called my mom (who was saving us seats at church), to let her know she needed to come now. My contractions started at 5 minutes apart. CRAZY! My mom got to my house (with my dad) and my contractions were INTENSE. She had to call my midwife to let her know we were definitely in labor. I went to the bathroom (b/c that's what they tell you to do) and I came out to my mom telling me we needed to go to the hospital. Aliza said so. At this point I couldn't move without another contraction starting and I didn't want to move. I made it to the car and felt like I had one long contraction ALL the way to the hospital. I prayed for a break the entire way to the hospital. I never got one.

I went straight up to L & D and the nurses got me all settled in. They checked to see how much I was dilated and hooked me up to the monitor to check the baby. I was dilated to a 4-5 and they said that was great. I didn't feel so great. I thought I should be dilated way more for the pain I was in. They assured me I was doing a great job and progressing fast. They told me I could get in the bath after they monitored the baby for 30 minutes. 10 minutes later they decided to let me get in the tub b/c they thought it would help with the pain.

I don't really remember how long I was in the tub, but it couldn't have been longer than 30 minutes. The contractions were so intense I couldn't take it anymore. I decided for the epidural. I debated with the nurses for probably 10 minutes before I finally decided to do it. They called the anesthesiologist to come do the epidural.

Side note: the entire time I was in the tub, I felt like I needed to push, but I was just checked and at a 4-5. I didn't really think it could be time. I was wrong.

30 minutes after I got out of the tub, the anesthesiologist finally showed up and did the epidural. Aliza showed up right before that and once the meds kicked in, she checked to see how I had progressed. I was at a 10. I could have been pushing the whole time. Probably could have done the entire thing naturally like I wanted, but had no idea I was that far along. At first I was kind of frustrated that I had given in to the meds, but later realized I don't regret it at all.

Aliza told me it would be best to let her "labor down" so that I wouldn't have to push as much. 20 minutes or so later, she comes back and it was time. I think I pushed for maybe 30 minutes. The girl was ready. I did have to get an episiotomy b/c her heart rate dropped to 30 and we had to get her out, but she came out FAST!

3:31 Elizabeth Reilly plopped her way into the world. Not breathing. Talk about scary. They called the Neonatal Nurse Practitioner in to get her breathing. It didn't take long, but was the scariest 2-3 minutes of my life. Aliza spanked her for me later. Also, she was pooping like crazy. Her Daddy's first words to her were "you sure are full of shit". Poor girl. She was just in shock.

It wasn't over yet. I'll spare all the dirty details, but it took Aliza 30 minutes to get my placenta out. She literally had her hand elbow deep inside of me trying to get it out. When she pulled it out she said "it just looks ancient". It didn't even look like a placenta. This part is the reason I am so grateful I got the epidural. Even with the meds, this was the most painful part. I can't imagine what it would have felt like if I didn't have paid meds.

6 hrs. total. It happened so fast, I barely remember the details. I didn't have time to stop and use all the techniques I learned in my Bradley class. I never got a break from contractions. It defintely didn't go as planned. But, in the end, I had a beautiful baby girl to hold and cuddle with. Nothing mattered after that. Words cannot describe how I felt. Literally. I have yet to figure out how to describe how I feel about being a mom, or this little girl. My world has changed. In one single day (really just a few hours), my life is completely different.

So, here I am. Trying to figure out how to be a mom...

Step 1: meet the parents

2009-12-03T17:59:00.000-08:00

Alright, I kind of took a long break from writing my story. It continues...

My dad had a dream on Tuesday of the week we went into foster care, that he was going to adopt two little girls. At this point he didn't really know what it meant, but he knew it was different than any other dream he'd ever had. that weekend he got a call from a lady that used to work with him, Martha. Martha was the cousin of Mary, my foster mom. She hadn't talked to my parents in 3 years, but knew they had been trying to have kids, and felt the need to call them. She called to see if they had been able to have kids or if they were still trying. My parents had just recently gone to the Doctor to find out they couldn't have kids the "normal" way. They started discussing other options and were considering in vitro. When Martha called to tell my dad about two little girls that her cousin just got through foster care, he realized they went to church with extended family of my foster parents and had actually played basketball with my foster dad the previous fall.

My dad discussed it with my mom and she didn't even think twice before agreeing to meet us. When most women might have thought they wanted to try and have their own kids first, my mom didn't have a second thought. This miracle is two fold b/c remember my sister and I were 4 & 9 months at this point. When most people think of adoption they think of babies. My parents knew I was older and we came as a package. They were okay with that. Thank you God. The other part is that at one point CPS wanted to give us back to our birth parents. My foster mom had even given them beds for us. CPS was literally taking us back to their home and they had packed up and left. My mom always wonders if they knew we'd be better off with someone else. I'm just grateful God had a better plan for us.

I don't remember the first time I met my parents, but I have pictures and they tell me stories. I was so excited to meet them, I was waiting by the front door when they arrived. I was so desperate to feel loved that before they could even make it to the door I ran out and literally jumped into my Daddy's arms. It was love at first sight.

We spent some time getting to know them, and, according to my parents, they knew then that it was right. So, the process began.

My parents began the classes and the two year journey to becoming parents (and, I think 9 mos is a long time to wait). It was an emotional roller coaster for them, but one that had a happy ending.

At this point my parents knew we were theirs, but they had to take some classes and go through some evaluations before they could become our legal parents. During this time, the "community group" my parents were a part of at their church, held many prayer sessions petitioning God on our behalf. After going through most of the process they were told by our first case worker that they were the couple chosen to be our parents. Come to find out that case worker spoke before she was supposed to and so CPS told my parents the process had to start from the beginning and they were no longer in the running to get us. Heartbreak. Can you imagine. I can only equate this to what might be a miscarriage for women who are able to get pregnant. Obviously, this is not true physically, but emotionally it must have been terrible. Well, God had more to say about that. Shortly after my dad got a call that they lost our file and had to start completely over. My parents were back in the game, this time against twice as many couples.

IT'S A GIRL!

2009-11-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

Oh blog how I've missed you :-)

November 6, 2009 - the day that our dear friend August Dae Runnels came into this world.

Also, the day my world was rocked. I was convinced I was having a boy. I just knew the sonographer was going to look at his little privates and say "you're having a boy". Oh how wrong I was.

It took a total of 30 seconds for her to show us her parts, but we now know that we are having an Elizabeth Reilly. I literally sat up a little and said "What, it's a girl". In shock I laid there as we watched the sonogropher find all her organs and make sure her kidneys were working. It was unbelievable.

Knowing the gender creates a bond beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I love being able to call her by her name and play with her as she kicks me. Part of me never wants her to come out. I love that it's just me and her. She is my little secret.

Of course, I still cannot wait to meet her, but I am really hoping to enjoy the next 4 months of just me and her. It's crazy. I am 5 months today. Wow, 5 months have flown by fast. I look at little August and think about how it just seems like yesterday Mindie was telling me she was pregnant.

My favorite part about knowing the gender is to see Scott's reaction. He didn't really react when we got the sonogram, but I've seen a side of him I've never seen before. Scott has never been one to "want" to hold a baby, especially a newborn. He's kind of always had the mentality of his father. That is, they don't do anything when they are that little, so what is the point.

Ever since he's known we are having a girl, he wants to hold August and Eve as much as possible. He wanted to go to the hospital to see August more than I did (which is a lot b/c I really wanted to see her).

Oh, and my dad has been so funny too. He recently fulfilled his life long dream of having a Harley, and he is determined that Elle is going to be a Harley chick. He has already bought her several pink Harley things. He even bought her this really cute leather jacket for when she is 3. haha. She already has her daddy and Grandpas wrapped around her little fingers.

"Every Daddy needs a little girl...and so does every grandpa" :-)

pregnancy update

2009-10-03T21:17:00.001-07:00

Well, the first trimester is over. How time flies, but hopefully this means my energy is back and I will have more time to do the things I loved before, like blog.

I am 15 weeks 5 days. My baby looked like an alien when I got a sonogram, and he/she was soooo cute. I am loving pregnancy so far. I love the joy of knowing in a few months I will have one cute baby of my own.

Sometimes I get scared, like when I am dog tired and I realize after the baby is here that's how I'll feel all the time. But, really so far that is the only thing that scares me. I just can't wait for him/her to be here.

I am most excited to see the look on my husband's face when he gets to hold him/her for the first time. I can't wait to see what this baby looks like. All the possibilities, it's so hard to imagine. Will he have blonde hair, or maybe even red hair?? Will he have blue eyes or green eyes? Will his hair be curly or straight? I assume it's a boy, but will it be a boy or girl?

It's so amazing that there is this human that is a part of me. this human that will grow for the next few months and form a bond with me. this human that is already loved so much by so many and we've never even seen him/her. God is so amazing.

Scittle!

2009-07-21T19:52:00.000-07:00

So if you haven't heard....Scott and I are going to be parents. That's right....parents. Crazy, huh???

Well we were trying to get pregnant and now God has blessed us with a little energy hog! This baby needs the energy I guess, but boy am I exhausted. I guess it didn't help that I got a cold the day after I found out I was pregnant. :-)

So, I actually didn't know I was pregnant, and at first didn't think there was a chance, but Saturday I started to wonder. Friday night I was really hungry and feeling kind of nausuas, but thought it was just b/c I was hungry. Then later friday night I was at walmart with Scott & Reilly and I started craving pickles after smelling them...yummy! At this point Reilly was joking that I was pregnant. She didn't even know we were trying.

Saturday day came and that dreadful time of the month was supposed ot come with it. I waited and waited and waited and it never came. On top of that I kept smelling these realy awful things that made me gag, but no one else was smelling them. Later, when I asked my mom if she suspected something, she said "no, I actually thought you might be having neurological problems". hahaha.

So, Saturday I left my parents at about 8:00 pm and stopped at Target to get cat litter (which I can't change now) and pregnancy tests. Weird combination, but I thought what the heck lets take one just in case. I honestly did not think it would be positive. I got home about 9:00 and took the test right away cuz I had to pee really bad. I peed in a cup just in case that dreadful time of the month decided to show up right then. I stuck the stick in, counted to 20 and turned it around. OMG. There it was. The line. I am pregnant. I cried. Poored the cup out (before I could take a 2nd test). Ran around screaming and crying for no one but Sadie, Duchess, and Patch (who obviously did not care at all). I got dressed again (let's face it, I was already in my pj's), took off to Best Buy so that Scott and I could celebrate together and tell my parents. I told his mom on my way there.

We told my parents and my mom was literally speechless, but both were excited! My mom cried, and cried, and is probably still crying. lol. We proceeded to tell more family and friends and will probably continue to spread the news for the next few weeks! So exciting and we are so BLESSED!!!

So, Scittle = Scott + Britt + Little :-) You can think my aunt for that one!

p.s. Skittles are scott's favorite candy!

Today at lunch!

2009-07-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

I went to lunch with my Dad today. We went to Dickey's.

As we were talking I felt something wet drop on my neck. I looked up expecting to see something dripping from the ceiling, but instead I heard a guy behind me apologizing.

He squeezed a jalapeno and it squirted on me! After a good laugh we continued our lunch and joking about it.

It was fantastic since my morning wasn't as funny :-)

Random thought for the day!

2009-07-11T20:26:00.000-07:00

I love green beans!

D-I-V-O-R-C-E!

2009-06-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

I HATE IT! I hurt for the children that have parents that would give up so easily. I hurt for the families that will be torn apart by two selfish human beings.

There is already enough hurt in the world, why do we have to make it worse by taking something so amazing and full of love, and turning it into something that people despise. Why has marriage become something we can check in and out of with no second thought.

Marriage is hard. It wasn't intended to be easy. When two people stand up and say their vows, they should be doing just that. Making vows. Those vows state "for better, or for worse". I know it's a little cliche, but it means something to me. It means more than just something. It means I'm ALL in. I'm NEVER going to give up. Forever, for always, and no matter what!

I know I'm venting out of anger, but these things, they hurt me. They hurt me a lot. I feel very strongly about them. Why? I don't know. Maybe b/c I have parents who loved each other enough to fight through the hard times. I know what a great marriage looks like and it is a terrible thing when two people give up too early. I've never experienced divorce and I don't know where my passion comes from, but I have it. Now, I just need to figure out how God is going to use it through me.

Stories from foster care!

2009-06-20T21:02:00.000-07:00

I don't really remember a ton about foster care, but the few things I do remember are funny, sad, and comforting!

I remember I had my own bedroom with lots of toys and it was decorated in precious moments. I will never forget precious moments. Anytime I see them to this day it reminds me of the warm love I felt in foster care. My foster dad used to read to me at night before bed and a lot of times he would read out of these two precious moments books. I still have them. Precious moments bedtime stories & stories from the bible.

I remember how the pages smelled and I just love the stories in them. I still have the books and I've noticed after my sister has spent the night a couple of times, the books laying next to her bed :) We still find comfort in them.

Also, my room was ALWAYS clean. I started early as a neat freak. I have a picture of myself right after I cleaned my room and I was sitting at my little table coloring. It was my reward for cleaning. I rewarded myself back then just like I do now!

Another thing I "remember" is that I threw some pretty terrible tantrums. And when I say tantrums I mean, kicking, screaming, breaking toes, call the police kind of tantrums. WHAT!? Brittany?? YES. I broke my foster mom's toe once b/c I kicked it. Another time the neighbors called the police b/c they thought I must have been being abused. (I assure you, I wasn't. I was just a confused, screwed up 5 year old).

My favorite thing about foster care though was how much I was loved. In all the chaos, I had some sort of stability. I had two people that loved the HELL out of me! I know I didn't realize it then, but I realize it now and that is why it is my favorite memory.

Hopefully I will remember more things about foster care and can add them later, but for now this is what I got.

Sleepover follow up!

2009-06-10T18:09:00.000-07:00

On May 22, 2009, I invited 5 girls over to spend the night. Girls who are in 5th & 6th grade. No, I don't have my own daughter and it wasn't a birthday party. Yes, it was a brave move, but one I am very glad I took.

I have been teaching these girls every Sunday for the past year or so. I've been building a relationship with them over time. Some of the best relationships I've ever had. These girls have shown me that pre-teens who have their hearts turned to God are AMAZING!!!

We ate LOTS of junk food, played a game, played with Sadie, watched a movie and fell asleep EARLY! Okay 11:00 pm is early for a bunch of preteen girls. I wanted to go to bed at 9:00 when we were playing the game. LOL.

These girls were so good at including everyone. There was one girl who didn't want to listen to "scary" stories so she was going to sit in the other room. One of the other beauties went in there and told her she should just come listen to one b/c they aren't that scary and if she didn't like it she could leave. What a perfect example of the heart of Jesus! Reaching out to those who feel left out! This is just one example of trying to include this particular girl. 5 is an odd number and it's hard to include everyone, but they were GREAT!

When I was a preteen girl, most of my friends (not me of course) would have made fun of her for being scared or something. I am so impressed by the hearts that my girls have. They are truly beautiful young ladies and I LOVE THEM!

I can't wait till our pool party!

change

2009-05-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

It's coming. That's all I have to say about that.

Funny Story

2009-05-26T20:18:00.001-07:00

my mom...oh my mom...she told me this funny story about herself. Yes, I did get permission to post it!

Friday, my mom was on her way home from work early to get ready for her 2nd night of anniversary celebration. 28 years! That morning she noticed that she had 14 miles til empty. She has one of those cool cars that tell you exactly how far you can go! Well she decided she could get to work, but she would have to stop on her way home.

Ha! My mom...she forgets a lot. Well Friday was no different. She was driving down I-30 and around Motley drive her car just turned off. :-) She still had pretty good speed and she could see a gas station at the next exit. She decided to try and coast. Well she did...most of the way. She pulled into the gas station and it had an ever so slight incline and her car stopped about 5-6 feet too short.

This is where my mom's brilliance comes in. "I'll just put the car in neutral and push it forward a little" she thought. I bet you can guess where this is going. Well she put it in neutral and started pushing. She drives a Ford Edge. It's heavy. The truck starts rolling back and she tries to run and jump into the drivers seat. What a sight to see.

That didn't work so great for her. The car knocked her on the ground and nearly ran over her. The tire grazed her thigh. She's lucky it didn't run over her leg.

Well that's not the end. Her car is still rolling and runs into this old little pickup truck, with an old man sitting inside. It obviously startled him. He gets out with a terrified look on his face and then my mom realizes he can't talk. He just had a tracheotomy. He had to write everything.

He hadn't seen anything prior to this, so my mom told him the story. His faced changed from being terrified to being horrifically concerned. He then pulled his car forward, since my mom's was out of gas, so they could survey the damage. Nothing really wrong with his car, but my mom had a dent so they decided to part their ways, but before doing so he wrote my mom a little note. "Remember, don't leave the car in neutral". HAHA!

But wait, there's more! Then a man pulls up in a little sports car to ask my mom is she is okay. She said she was and asked if he'd seen what happened. He said he was driving down the highway and saw the whole thing. He got off the next exit and turned around to make sure she was okay. This story just kept getting better and better as she told it! A man from the highway saw the whole thing and turned around :-). Can you imagine!

My mom was so embarrassed, she couldn't even tell my dad. She finally told him Saturday morning and then told me that afternoon! It made my weekend.

Sleepovers

2009-05-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

This Friday, May 22, I will be having a sleepover, at my house, with 4-6 5th & 6th grade girls. I'll let you know how it goes.

I don't remember the last time I had a sleepover. Junk food, healthy food?, doing nails, bible study, movies, girly talk! This could be interesting!

Babysitting

2009-05-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

Wow. I haven't babysat for a couple years.

Saturday I babysat two little, adorable boys. Part of it made me not want to have kids, but then the other part made me realize how mother's get past the first part.

These boys were hilarious. My family and I could not stop laughing! I barely held my composure that night.

So the evening started at my parents house. We were going to dinner, but while we were waiting the boys played games on the xbox 360 while we waited for my dad to be done on the computer. The boys said a word that my mom describes as "weebles", but it sounded kind of like "weebos" to me. My mom asked what it meant and the 5 yr old said "it's the private parts of SOME boys have". My sister realized they were saying "Huevos" which in spanish evidently refers to male private parts. :-)

On the way to dinner the boys thought it would be great to play with some toothpicks. I soon realized this would end up in someone getting hurt. Little did I know that someone would be me. I told them to give me the toothpicks and they did. Only one of them ended up stuck in my hand. I pulled it out and quickly began to bleed. The 5 yr. old told me it would eventually stop bleeding. He had no sympathy. The 8 yr. old said "You should just stab him back. But, that would be venting." Then the 5 yr. old said "Yea. That would be venting your anger". LOL.

We went to Cristina's for dinner, but the 5 yr. old didn't agree to go there. He wanted to go to Pei Wei. He said he wanted egg soup. I discovered something new about my mother tonight. She is a big marshmallow. My mom decided it would be a good idea to go to Pei Wei and get him the soup he wanted and bring it back to Cristina's. Ha. He did say "thank you" and give her a hug, but it was soon followed by "you didn't get chopsticks?". He wanted to eat his soup with chopsticks :-).
I had the great idea to let him use two straws as chopsticks. Ha. It was hilarious. He eventually just started sucking it down.

We got through dinner all in one piece although the chips were all in pieces on the floor. On the way back from dinner someone let one loose. I thought it was one of the boys, but they blamed it on my dad. That's when I realized the true culprit...my mom. When I said it out loud, the boys both said "No, it was your dad. Mom's don't fart." I asked what mom's do if they don't fart and they said "they smack his butt". hahahahaha.

We got back to my parents house and the boys were playing xbox again. They were playing football and the 5 yr. old said "guess what? The indian redskins are winning. I mean the African redskins! OMG. I could not stop laughing. Where does he get this stuff!

We left when the 5 yr. old said "Can you get me some dessert". I knew it was time for bed. He was getting demanding.

Oh what a night!

First step to true love

2009-05-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

CPS picked us up one night, in the freezing cold. My sister was wearing a diaper and a think blanket. She had a bottle filled with whole milk that was half spoiled and clumpy. To this day she hates milk. I was wearing minimal clothing and hadn't eaten in a long time. It was dark and cold. We were on a street corner being used to make drivers feel sorry for us so that they would give my parents more money. If only they had known we would not benefit from any of it.

CPS took us to foster care. We had wonderful foster parents. Patient, loving, Christian foster parents. They were angels sent from God. I was 4 yrs old and my little baby sister was only 9 mos. old. I was psychologically confused. I was abandoned, abused, neglected, and hurting. I was acting out. I threw terrible tantrums.

One time I was so upset about something, my foster mom couldn't get me to calm down, and when she tried to hold me I kicked her and broke her toe. Patience. When most foster mother's would have given up she pushed through. She knew I needed stability. She was willing to pay the price for that.

My foster mom made all of our clothes. I had so many dresses and matching bows, socks, and shoes for every outfit. I had an outfit for every holiday and special occasion. We were spoiled.

My foster dad would play for hours with us. He would let the little girls crawl all over him and pull on his hair. He would play video games with us. He would play with us outside. He would curl our hair at night. He would take us to school. He would pick us up from school. Things that seem so basic, but things that we needed. Things that most people don't even think twice about, but things our birth parents did think twice about and didn't do.

We had another sister in foster care. Shannon. She was too cute. Her and my sister were about the same age and most of the time they looked like twins.

We had a dog named Red.

Foster care was a safe haven for my sister and I. A place where we experienced what love meant. The first place we felt safe to sleep at night and the first place we had consistent nutrition, clean clothes, and baths. It was a home. Maybe not permanent, but a home. A warm in the winter, cool in the summer home. A home where Christ was the center and it was evident in the love that poured out of my foster parents.

More to come....

In the beginning...

2009-05-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

I decided recently that I wanted to record my life story in some way. It's a pretty awesome story. Not b/c I'm awesome, but b/c GOD IS AWESOME! So, I decided my blog would be a nice place to store this story. It will take several posts, but eventually it will be out there for all the world to see!

Here it goes...

I'd like to say it all started with a man and a woman that fell madly in love got married and had two beautiful little girls, but that's not true. It really began with a man and a teenage girl. No love. Just lust.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that God decided to bring me into this world, but it wasn't this picture perfect family...at first.

My birth mom had me when she was 17. Shortly after, she became depressed, dropped out of school, and started drinking and doing drugs. Both of my birth parents dove deep into this lifestyle.

Miracle #1: This is just a story. Obviously not a memory. When I was 9 months old, my maternal grandfather was drunk and abusive. He decided it would be fun to drop a baby on her head. He dropped me onto a brick fireplace hearth. Broke my skull and put me in the hospital for a few days. No brain damage, although some might argue otherwise. God had a better plan for me.

I don't really remember a lot in those times so I will skip ahead 3.75 years. Welcome baby girl #2. Deeper into drugs and alcohol. No home. On the streets. Begging for money to buy drugs and alcohol. Using two little girls as leverage. Disgusting.

Thank you CPS for stepping in and protecting two innocent little girls. CPS gets a bad rap for things that happen in the foster care system. Let me just say, no government agency is perfect. It's not possible b/c humans are not perfect, but CPS caseworkers have a hard job. HARD. I know they do their best and I am forever grateful for what they do.

On to foster care for nearly two years....

update on the job front

2009-05-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

I didn't expect this to be so overwhelming. Overwhelming, but good. I know there is just an adjustment phase, but I wish it wasn't this long.

One of my clients yesterday yelled at me saying "I am disappointed in you Brittany. You have been working here 2 months and think you know everything" in response to me making sure he got checked in to the hospital. It took everything in me not to turn around and yell "NO, I don't. Actually it's quite the opposite. I feel like I know nothing".

It's true. I feel kind of like I'm "climbing up a waterfall". Interesting. I know it will all get better. I do feel like I am getting in the swing of things, but I just wish the adjustment was faster.

Anyway, I have lots of crazy stories, but I'll have to share those in another blog.

my favorite day of the week...well one of them.

2009-04-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

I love Thursdays. Office night at the Runnels!

The difference between cats and dogs

2009-04-15T19:55:00.000-07:00

Acquiring a dog has made life with cats very interesting.

Cats: pee in litter box, sleep, eat, poop in litter box, sleep, eat, need to be cuddled, sleep.

dogs: bark really loud till you let them out, drink, pee on floor, eat, poop on floor, sleep, run around like CRAZY!, sleep, need to be walked, cuddle with master, chew on everything, sleep, steal toilet paper and shred it all over living room, and finally sleep.

So, why did we get a dog? I don't know, but every time I look at her sweet face I fall in love again!

Okay, she really isn't that bad, we just had a tough day today with potty training. Really, it was my fault for not paying attention and catching up on 24 instead. It was great. Good to relax and pretend like Keifer Sutherland is really saving the world.

Also, the cats are SLOWLY warming up to Sadie. By warming up, I mean they come out of their room and hiss at her...one step at a time though!

Reflections on 1 Corinthians 12:12

2009-04-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

Unity. It doesn't mean the same. It doesn't mean only one. It does mean together. It does mean for one purpose.

Unity. It brings us together. In Christ, it's what makes us "the body". It doesn't mean everyone will agree on every single theological point. It does mean we all agree on the most important one: Jesus is LORD!

Unity. It does mean we can set aside our differences to worship Him. It does mean we each bring something to the table & we accept each person for who they are and what they can offer.

Unity. It does mean we urge one another to use our gifts. We encourage, congratulate, and love one another. We offer a love that no one can refuse.

We are in Christ unified. One unit but with many parts. Each part knowing his or her importance. If even one does not know then there is no longer unity.

There must be room for forgiveness, grace, and love. There must be a foundation. His name is JESUS! Only in Him can there be UNITY.

Couldn't have said it better myself

2009-04-05T20:29:00.000-07:00

“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. Love is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God. On this love the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it.”

-- C.S. Lewis

the one with the crazy busy life

2009-04-04T20:09:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOODNESS!

I love my job, BUT I am definitely having to adjust to having less "free" time. I am a tv junkie and I am like 3 weeks behind on most of my shows. I guess it probably doesn't help that I got a puppy.

Sadie-Grace is doing great though. She is still sweet as ever!! She is getting so big. We have had her for 2 weeks and she has grown twice as big as when we first got her. CRAZY!! Scott and I have had kind of a rocky time trying to figure out how to train. We've had some disagreements.

But, thanks to my good friend, Molly, I have been reading the book "The Loved Dog". It's amazing! If you are a dog lover, or have a dog....READ IT!! Anyway, we've been able to figure out how we are going to train her and what she is and isn't allowed to do.

My cats are still not adjusting well, but they are getting there. They slowly are making their way out into the main part of the house more and more. I think they are mad at us. They just don't understand why we would need a dog. But, evidently neither does Josh :-)

And, I shall end with a story. A funny one if you aren't me. Embarrassing if you are the employee at walmart.

So I went to walmart with my mom. We were looking for some aqua colored weather safe pillows. As we were walking out the employee asked if we found what we needed. I told her no and that my mom was looking for a specific color. She then asked "for the baby?". "What baby?" I asked.

Look of horror appears on her face. But, that's not the end. "You're not fat" she says, "You just have a big belly". OMG! Seriously. I know I gain weight in my belly, but that was just rude. Then, she tried to convince me I'm pregnant (and tried to give me one of her kids).

I guess it's time to go back on weight watchers. Monday morning will be the start. :-)

P.S. I am NOT pregnant!!!

the one with the new puppy

2009-03-24T20:24:00.000-07:00

Scott and I got the sweetest puppy ever. Really. I'm not just saying that. She is soooooo calm and I love her.

She is a Lab mix of some sort. She was abandoned. The family that I used to nanny for, found her (along with her brothers and sister) on their farm. She is adorable.

She is Black and White, with the softest fur. Her name is Sadie-Grace "Oreo" Johnson.

The cats are not so excited about her. I let Sadie get used to the house a little before I let the cats out. Duchess came out and new immediately that something wasn't right. She kind of walked around cautiously.

She jumped up on the couch next to me and was licking me and such. She looked over and saw Sadie laying on the other side and realized Sadie was alive. Then she proceeded to jump half way across the room and back to the den. She hasn't been out since. lol. Hopefully she will warm up to Sadie and they will be great friends one day. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. We'll see.

the one with the new job

2009-03-10T14:13:00.001-07:00

Well, the time has finally come. I got a new Job. Thank you God!

Last Tuesday, on my way home from work, I spent the entire drive talking to God. We were having a great discussion. I was saying how I didn't know if I was listening, or if he just wasn't speaking to me yet. I asked him if I should wait for the job at metrocare, or if I should be looking for something else.

There was another place I had applied, but they prohibited going to school. I didn't like the idea of not having that freedom to take a class. I wouldn't want to go back full time, but not even one class...not good.

But, I asked God if I should go ahead and pursue it. I didn't know what his plan was, so for me to completely turn something down didn't seem like the right thing either.

The next day I got an email from my mom saying one of the team leads for another team was interested in me (the lady texted my mom). I kind of felt like this was my answer from God. "Just wait for me."

Well, good thing I did. His timing is perfect. The position opened Monday (the day before this long discussion with God). Diane (my supervisor) just happened to be standing with the right people at the right time (or really maybe God just had her there at the right time). And, the job is perfect for me.

I will be a case worker for the RAP (rapid assessment and prevention) team. I will work mostly from home and my car. I have to go in for a meeting once a week at 10:00 am. Other than that I make my own schedule. I have to see a certain number of patients a week, but I'm a pretty organized person, so I don't see this as being a problem. My supervisor is not a micro manager and she is a strong Christian! She knows I am considering Grad school and she is okay with that. She knows I have no experience, and she is okay with that. Also, I get a cell phone stipend.

The best thing about this, is the process. I was so afraid of the process, but really all God wanted was for me to be okay with it. To be okay with whatever he had in store for me, even if it was going to be hard. As soon as I stopped holding on to this idea of how I wanted things to happen, God opened doors. As soon as I completely surrendered to him, he took control and good things happened.

God has taught me so much through this. Don't get me wrong the journey is no where near over and I am still learning a lot. I still don't know what the rest of my life (school, work, & family) looks like, but I know God has his perfect plan. I know he's going to take care of me & I'm definitely okay with the process. I may have to remind myself of this many times, but it's one step closer.

I do want to ask all of you who are reading my blog to hold me accountable to one thing. I don't want to be that person that gets a new job and then complains about every aspect of it. I don't anticipate this happening, but if I do, please do not be afraid to call me out on it. I want to be joyful about my job. That's not to say that I won't have a bad day or two, but I don't want those days to be the only ones I talk about.

God is Amazing!

the one with all the baptisms

2009-03-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

Today was a different kind of church service. Instead of a "normal" sermon from our pastor, he talked a little bit about what baptism means and then 40 people were dunked! Many of those 40 were children. Not like in a baptizing babies kind of way. These children were taught about what it means and the commitment they'd be making if they decided to get baptized. These children chose to take that next step with God. AMAZING! God tells us that unless we become like children, we cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. I want to be like the children I saw (and helped) get baptized today. It was truly one of the greatest experience in my life to be up there baptizing my girls today!

p.s. I will post soon about my new job!

the one with cheap cable

2009-03-03T16:50:00.001-08:00

I called Time Warner Cable today to see if there was anyway to suspend our cable for a few months without having to disconnect everything and send equipment back. The lady that I was connected with said "well let me look at your account and see if there is anyway I can make it affordable for you. " Alright. Wouldn't hurt....right?? Glad she did. She gave us the DVR for free for the next 6 months and saved us $30 on our monthly bill. Yippee! Turning off the cable is not a huge deal for me. Really I only have it for the DVR. I'm a tv junkie, but it's all network shows that I can watch online now. Now, I can still keep my cable and save money. So, moral of the story: if you have cable, satallite, or anything else that is a luxury item, try calling to see if they can give you a discount. It might just work and it wouldn't hurt to try. What's the worst thing that could happen? You'll end up paying the same amount your paying now!

the one with all the word vomit

2009-03-02T22:04:00.000-08:00

I mentioned before that I trust God to provide my needs, but I wasn't okay with the journey. I know the "end", but I don't want to read the story. I think....THINK, I'm ready for the journey. I THINK I'm okay with what God has in store for me. I want to so bad, maybe I just need to say it?? So here I am saying, I am okay with whatever I might experience before God provides a job. I'm okay with not being able to eat out. I'm okay with turning off the cable for now. I'm okay with cutting back on everything if that is what it takes. At least I think I am. One step at a time. One tiny baby step at a time.

My journey through this terrifying time in my life continues. I still have a job, but it is supposed to end at the end of March. I did hear that the place I interviewed wants to hire me, but I'm not sure how legitimate this rumor really is, and I don't know when the hiring will happen. Is God telling me to wait? Or, should I be putting all my energy into finding a new job? The rumor came from a pretty reliable source, but should I put all my "eggs in one basket"? I need God to write it out in the clouds. I don't have enough faith in myself to listen. I am always second guessing. How do I know if God is really talking to me?

On another similar note, I'm still searching for what the future holds. What is next for me? Am I supposed to go to graduate school? What do I do once I get a job? Is that it? Can I start expanding my family? This process is one that I don't think I was really expecting to go through after graduation. I knew what I wanted to do with my life and now I don't. A terrifying place to be. I thought I knew what God wanted me to do in my life and now I don't. Even more terrifying. Which brings me back to "How do I know if God is really talking to me?". How will I know what to do next if I can't even hear what God is saying? Am I not listening, or is he not talking yet?

So I feel like I just vomited words everywhere. I'm not sure if this makes any sense, or if I've moved forward at all. I feel like such a mess right now. My thoughts are constantly running 100 miles a minute. So fast I can't focus on one. A whirlwind. I feel super emotional and I could lose it at any moment. Although sometimes I feel like I have no emotion at all. I am not okay. ARGH!

My goal this week is to learn to delight in the Lord and ALL he has to offer. I love him. I worship him. I am in awe of him. I want to delight in his will.

Community.

2009-02-28T23:48:00.000-08:00

I've never experienced it quite like this. A family that accepts me for exactly who I am. A family that is constantly challenging me to be a better person, individually and in my marriage. A family that is supportive. A family that I can cry with, laugh with, and just be with. I've never experienced it quite like this and I never want to experience life without it. This is heaven on earth.

p.s. I have a wonderful "biological" family that is actually not biological at all. My parents are some of the best, but I'm not talking about that kind of family. The family described above is the one I have chosen to walk with in my spiritual journey.

the one with the song.

2009-02-23T21:23:00.001-08:00

Just a few thoughts I've had this week:

I hate being sick. HATE it. Especially when there is no end in sight. Hopefully soon.

I miss my sister... A LOT!

Why is that when someone is struggling with something, other people want to comfort you by telling about other peoples struggles. Let me explain. My sister is going through something terrible. She is rebelling against everything she was ever taught...pretty much. Anyway, my grandmother proceeds to tell my mom of another girl my sister's age who is going through the same thing. Then says, I thought it would make you feel better to know that someone else is going through the same thing. AHHHHH! Why does it make us feel better to know that other people are hurting too?? Why do we want other people to go through the same pain?? Shouldn't we hope that others wouldn't have to go through that?? I think it is good to hear success stories. Those would make me feel better, but to know that someone else is in the same situation just makes more sad for them. I feel like I'm not really making sense, but I hope I made some sort of point. Hopefully.

Being sick this week I haven't been thinking so much about my current job situation and stuff. I think I've been trying to avoid it, which is probably going to suck when it surfaces, but I do love this song. Everytime I sing it, I feel like it is affirming everything I feel. The fear of the unknown, beyond my comfort zone. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Francesca Battistelli Lyrics - I’m Letting Go Lyrics

My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge

Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

the one with the new pj's

2009-02-15T07:39:00.000-08:00

Since Friday I haven't been feeling very good. See my dad got the flu and since I've been so stressed, my immune system is non-existent and now I have the flu. ARGH! I've never had the flue before...NEVER. Well that is until now. So, I celebrated Valentine's day drugged up on psuedoephedrine.

Other than being sick it was one of the best Valentine's day ever. Josh & Mindie had a few couples over for dinner so that we didn't have to spend a lot of money going out. It was amazing. They did such a good job of making it special for everyone. Oh yes, lets not forget the amazing dessert Kady made. AMAZING! Celebrating with our close married friends (plus Courtney & Blake) was perfect. We are so blessed to have such great friends!!

I also got some new PJ pants....so cute. I got Scott beer (with our current financial situation he hasn't been able to have any lately). It was perfect. We are not usually big on V-day, but this year was good. It was a good reminder of how much we do love each other. With all the stress lately, we've just been kind of short with each other. It was good to spend some time focusing on why we love each other.

the one with the fighting cats

2009-02-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

I just want to start by saying, I feel like my posts that have actually been about "real life" issues, have been kind of negative lately. I am trying to process through life and I feel like blogging helps me. So hang in there with me. Hopefully they will start having a more positive feel as I continue to process and grow. Please continue to pray for me as well.

The last week for me, I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Life is great in almost every area, but there is one big area that makes a huge impact on every thing else....finances (this includes looking for a job). Have I ever mentioned how much I hate money and what it does to people, including myself?? I mean I know that money is a good thing. It provides us with a means to housing, food, clothing, and fun, but when we don't have it, it seems to make life that much harder. Anyway, this last week has been the worst. I've really been struggling with trusting God. Not necessarily that I don't trust him, but just the fear of what is next. Knowing he will provide, but not wanting to sacrifice anything. Even though I know he will provide, it scares me to not know what is going to happen. So the struggle for trust continues. My life story. I'm trying to change. I have been my whole life. It's a constant growing experience for me. Right now I'm having terrible growing pains. I can only describe it as feeling like I am stuck in quicksand. I can't move, and I don't know what to do to get out. I am talking to God, but he hasn't talked back yet, or maybe I just haven't been listening. ARGH!

So, I am asking, how do I trust God more?? Does anyone know??

On another note, I was hanging out with Kady tonight after group (much needed Kady time), when all of a sudden we hear this weird sound. We both stop talking and just look at each other. Kady described it as crying children, in a creepy, horror movie sort of way. Two of them. I thought it sounded like a dying cat. So, we called the husbands in and told them. They went outside to check it out (what brave men we have). They found two cats fighting, or mating, or something evil. Just imagine the sound of cats fighting right outside your window. Creepy huh???

the one with all the poop!

2009-02-06T22:13:00.001-08:00

No joke. Actual human poop. So this is how it goes. Molly, Mindie, and I were shopping for a certain someone's baby shower at walmart. We walk down this aisle and Mindie asks "Did someone fart? It smells really bad." Then Molly says "It smells like baby poop!!!" Then we all look down to find that Mindie and Molly have both just stepped in baby poop. Really it was toddler diarrhea, but either way...GROSS! So, since I am the only one with poop free shoes, I go find a lady to call maintenance. She acts kind of like it's not a big deal, but says she will call (I think maybe she didn't understand what it was). After waiting 15 minutes I decided I needed to go find someone else. She obviously was not very clear that it was poop. I found a man this time and when I told him what happened he looked at me like "you're kidding, right?" NO, I wasn't kidding and this was kind of a serious matter since Molly and Mindie couldn't move...they had poop on their shoes! finally after another 10 minutes a guy starts to walk past us...we all start yelling "over here". He come over like it's no big deal. I tell him what it is and he just looks at us. Takes his good ol easy time putting on some gloves while we stand there smelling POOP! Finally, Mindie and Molly get the poop off their shoes and we can leave. As we are leaving we notice that he is just going to mop the poop up. Nope, not going to wipe it up with paper towels first, just smear it all over the floor with a mop and probably not clean the water out...or the mop for that matter. Which means there will be a child's poop all over this walmart floor. EWWWWW!! Molly talked to a manager, we didn't have to stand in line to check out, and we couldn't stop laughing even though we were all very angry inside.

We decided after all this, that we really needed Braum's. They have vanilla sugar free ice cream. YUM.

P.S. It was the walmart of Spring Creek and 75...

Also, I feel that Molly will blog about this too. You should read her blog if she does. It really did happen.

the one about being thankful

2009-02-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

I realized yesterday, and just now, that I have soooooo much to be thankful for, even in this time of complete chaos in my life.

I am thankful for my husband. He is my life, my support, and my love. He takes care of me.

I am thankful for my parents. They are also my support, and some of my best friends. They want only the best for me. They pray for me.

I am thankful for my close friends. They make me smile when I'm having a bad day. They pray for me. They push me to be my best. They give great advice (and may not even know it) ;)

I am thankful for my other parents (in-laws). They not only love me, but they like me. They support us. They pray for us.

I am thankful to have an education.

I am thankful that I have a place to live. It's warm and homey.

I am thankful to have food in my fridge and pantry. Food is important for survival.

I am thankful to have a church that I love to go to.

Most of all, I am thankful for CHRIST! Without him, I would be nothing. He is my hope and my salvation.

Despite all the "bad" things that have happened, or are happening in my life, I know I have it better than most people in this world. I am uneasy about the future, but I know God has the perfect plan. When I mess up and try to control my own life, I know he will be there to pick up the pieces when I fail. He's just great like that. This I am also thankful for!

the one with the mirror maze

2009-01-26T20:48:00.001-08:00

Scott and I got back from San Antonio today, and despite the fact that I was sick all weekend, it was a great trip. Thanks mom and dad! My sleep schedule is crazy. I woke up this morning at 3:30...wide awake and couldn't go back to sleep. I finally fell asleep at like 8:00 and woke up again at 9:30. Anyway, here I am to tell you about the trip.

Friday: We Left at 11:00 am for San Antonio. Arrived about 4:30ish. We got checked in to the hotel, napped, changed clothes, and headed out. Dinner at the County Line (wasn't as good as we remembered). Trip to CVS to get Puffs plus Lotion and Vicks (don't like the Vicks so much). Headed back to the Hotel, napped (I was sick, so I had lots of these), changed, and then went to a movie. We saw Mall Cop, which was pretty funny. It was in a ghetto theater and I kind of feared for my life on the walk back home at midnight, but we made it and it was fun.

Saturday: Woke up late...YAY!!! We got up, got ready, and started walking the riverwalk. We were looking for a yummy mexican place. Out of all the mexican places on the river...we chose the worst one. It was gross...I won't even describe what my plate looked like. After lunch, we went back to the hotel and relaxed for a bit. That night we ordered room service...pizza and french fries (they were amazing)...and watched Another Cinderella Story on AMC family (this was Scott's idea). After the movie (which I fell asleep in), we went on our carriage ride. It was great. On the carriage ride we passed this place called "mirror maze". We were intrigued, so we stopped by on our way to get dessert. It was silly, but so much fun (pictures posted on facebook). After the mirror maze we went to The Hard Rock Cafe to get dessert...and tshirts. Yummy. Back to the hotel to watch Friends and sleep.

Sunday: Woke up late...YAY!!! Went to lunch at Chili's (wasn't the same without the Monday night friends), walked through the mall, and headed to the Alamo. I didn't know Scott had never been...at least he didn't remember it. So we went. It took an entire half hour of our day. We went back to the hotel, napped, changed, and headed out for the evening. First we went to a different Mexican restaurant for dinner, then we went on the boat tour (it was nice) at night. After the boat tour we went to get fudge (yum), and headed back to the hotel for more napping. We ordered room service...twice...once for creme brulee and milk...and once for those tasty fries I talked about earlier. Watched Friends and slept. 3:30 am I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I balanced the checkbook and watched Friends.

Monday: Woke up at 9:30ish to get ready...check out by 11:00. Scott went and got the car, while I paid the bill. Drove home...nothing exciting....I'm still sick. Stopped at San Marcos...went to Zales in my pj's. Home...

I want to go back...just so I don't have to come back to the real world of working, and waiting to hear back about the new job. It was fun and relaxing...just what we needed.

P.S. if you read this entire thing...I'm sorry.

The one with the explanation

2009-01-21T20:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I had my blog titled as "the one all about brittany", but that sounded kind of conceited after I read it again. Hopefully you can find the humor in the titling of my blog and each entry. If not, sorry. So I changed it so that it didn't look like I was full of myself...just full of my thoughts :-)

On another note, I still haven't heard about the job I interviewed for last Friday, I think I'm getting sick (thank you scott), and I'm tired of seeing cute babies EVERYWHERE! But, I'm going on vacation this weekend and I listened to this great song in the car....

Call My Name by Third Day

It's been so long since
You felt like you were loved
So what went wrong
But do you know
There's a place where you belong
Here in My Arms

Chorus:
When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

The pain inside
Has erased your hope for love
Soon you will find
That I'll give you all
That your heart could ever want
And so much more

Chorus:
When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

You just call My name
You just call My name
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

You just call My name
You just call My name
You just call My name

The love I have for you is so alive
The love I have for you is so alive
You just call My name
You just call My name
You just call My name

Just a good reminder.

The one with the nap

2009-01-18T12:55:00.001-08:00

I am just about to lay down and take a nap...a Sunday afternoon nap, and I was just thinking about being a little kid. See, when I was little my parents would bring us home after church and we were forced to go upstairs to our rooms and lay down to take a nap...even though we were never tired. We had a nap in the car for pete's sake. Anyway, I HATED taking a nap on Sundays. Mostly I think I just didn't like being told I had to take a nap. Here I am an adult who LOVES my Sunday naps...I mean LOVES. It's so weird that when we are kids we hate the things that are so much easier when we are kids. I hardly ever have time to take a nap...or at least I have other things I should be doing, but when I was a kid I had plenty of time to take naps. If only I had appreciated it more then. Why can't we appreciate things when we have them. Why is that it has to be taken away before we can appreciate it??? Stupid.

the one with all the randomness

2009-01-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

A co-worker, and friend, kindly reminded me today that I had not blogged in a while. I've thought about blogging, but I feel like my blogs lately have been kind of negative. I don't want to be seen as a negative person b/c generally I'm not. I feel like God is molding me lately and I'm not feeling generally positive. I know God has the perfect plan and I guess am CONSTANTLY having to remind myself of this, but even having that feeling of security in him does not make it easier for me to be positive because I know that what God had planned for me may not be what I want. And, the journey will most likely not be an easy one...trusting is hard for me. I know I need to change my attitude...actually doing it is a harder story. Anyway, this is the type of blog I wanted to avoid. I'm not doing well. Need prayers. End of story.

Good news! Scott and I are getting to go on a vacation! End of January. Can't wait.

Also, while all of my co-workers are starting classes again, I can enjoy the freedom of not having too! It feels very weird to not be in school....very weird. I've been in school the last 17 years of my life and now I'm not.

Furthermore, I have not had any simple or refined sugar for 1.5 weeks now. I want a cookie really bad, but I feel a lot better. Basically, my body produces too much insulin. Simple sugars don't take long for the insulin to break down causing a fast fall in blood sugar levels. When this happens I get this feeling that is really hard for me to describe. Just imagine that every single nerve in your body was SUPER sensitive. Every noise, touch, light, or anything that stimulates sensory nerves makes me very irritable. It's kind of hard to explain b/c it's not a feeling that most people feel. It's not a normal feeling of irritability. It's not something I can control with my attitude. It is physical. Anyway, as long as I'm eating complex sugars and carbohydrates, it takes longer for the insulin to break it down. So far so good. I can still have fruits and other natural sugars, but if there is sugar added to something...it's no bueno. Eventually I will reintroduce yummy treats into my diet in very strict moderation. It seems this has become a life changing decision for me. A good one though.

the one about The Shack

2008-12-27T10:20:00.000-08:00

Well I have been waiting since the summer to read The Shack, and after I graduated I started it. I finished it last night and I found it to be an awesome and easy read. I don't really want to give any of the plot away, but I will say that if you are struggling with really knowing who God is and what kind of being he is, this might help you understand a little better. Even if you aren't struggling and just want a better understanding this book opens the door to that. I'm not saying this book is the answer to all of your struggles, but it definitely points you in the right direction. As I was reading the book, I continued to feel like the author was speaking right to me. It is a novel, but when I read it I felt closer to God. I know this sounds crazy. How can a book make me feel closer to God?. Well, it gave me a visual of who God The Father, The Son, and The Spirit is. While I hope that I will not be restricted to this visual only, it was good to have it. It was a perfect picture of the three of them. Obviously the author is not God, and cannot say what God looks like or how he/she acts, but based on the picture the Bible gives us, the author did a great job portraying God. I know a lot of people have been a little freaked by who the author represents God as (the human body), but it's symbolism, and no one knows what God looks like, so just go with it. All that said, I definitely recommend reading it. Even if you don't read books, this one was AMAZING! Also, you can get the audio version if you listen better than you read. READ IT!

P.S. I passed all my classes and am now officially a UTD Alum. Now I just wait for God to open the next door.

the one where I made a fool of myself

2008-12-17T21:53:00.000-08:00

Well I fooled myself and made a fool of myself today. I checked to see if my Genetics grade (the grade that will determine if I really graduate or not) was posted yet and I thought I passed! I got really excited jumped up and down in front of everyone at my parents house. I sat back down and realized that was my midterm grade :-(

Still waiting to see if I actually graduate. Praying for a miracle.

He is the Potter, I am the clay

2008-12-09T08:09:00.000-08:00

I was thinking this morning on my way to work about how I really have no clue what is happening next as far as whether I'm going to get another job, go to nursing school, or what. And, I realized God is teaching me something...what? I don't know yet. But, I know he's teaching me something. Perhaps, it's to trust in him more (something it seems like I am constantly having to learn!), or maybe it's something completely different. It's very weird for me (Type A, anal retentive personality) to not know the plan. I have a plan. I know what I want. I don't know if it is going to happen that way though. I guess I never know how things will happen, even when things are going according to MY plan, but this time....I have NO CLUE! So I know it seems this is the same thing I have talked about for the last few posts, but hang in there. So, this morning when I was thinking about it I wanted to slap myself because I realized, who better to be in control of my life than the person who knows me better than I know myself. And so what if I don't get to go to nursing school, or PA school, or med school. Maybe God has a totally different plan for me. I think I'm afraid to give into his plan because I feel like I will be disappointing other people, but really the only person that matters is God! I can't disappoint him if I follow his will...right? I think I'm beginning to find comfort in knowing that God is in control. As hard as it is for me to give up that control, I know he will do what is best for me if I let him.

I have in no way shape or form figured out how to give that control to him completely, but I want to, and I will continue to pray for him to continue to work in me!

Life starts now

2008-12-02T15:44:00.000-08:00

Well I've been thinking lately about what I'm going to do after I graduate. I want to get a job (to start paying off the little bit of debt we have), but it seems sooooo overwhelming looking for one. I'm not even sure what/where to look. Then I keep thinking about the fact that if I get a full time job, I won't be able to sleep in and spend the day with my husband when he has them off. See with the job I'm at now, I can take the day off...no biggie. I don't want to lose that flexibility and freedom. I want to be able to sleep in sometimes on weekdays, not get up everyday at 6 or 7 o clock to go to work for 8 - 9 hours. I think I'm starting to realize I don't really want to graduate...crazy huh??? Don't get me wrong I can't wait to have that diploma in my hand and walk across the stage with those most important to me there for support, but at the same time I want it to end there. I want to make money and start a family, but when I think about the work and time I am giving up...I start to have second thoughts. Really it's time with my husband that I'm losing the most of. He generally works evenings and I will be working days....everyday! When will I see him?? Hopefully he can get a new job soon too!

Then, there is trying to figure out higher education. I plan to go to nursing school and then get my doctorate in nursing...AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Right now my head feels like it is about to explode and I feel like I vomiting words onto this page. I feel conflicted and I'm not sure what to do :-( Hopefully God will answer prayers soon! Until then, I wait...on HIM....and search for a job.

Small Delights!

2008-11-15T00:59:00.001-08:00

Well I can't sleep. I think I just need to wind down a little, but nonetheless, I can't sleep which means I'll blog instead.

A pretty amazing thing happened today. I got an email from UTD stating that my financial aid has been adjusted to reflect my graduation in December. This means they are giving me more money! YAY! It's amazing how God knows exactly what he's doing and when to do it. Gotta love him!

On top of that, I got my grad announcements yesterday which makes everything seem even that much closer! I can't wait to get them all sent out, but first I need to get a picture taken. Thanks to the coolest friend ever I should have one by Sunday! Kady's going to take my pics for me and I'm so thankful for that! Gotta love her too!

AAAAANNNNDDDD, Scott got me tulips the other day! I LOVE getting flowers, well any gifts for that matter, but flowers are great. I know it seems girly and all, but I love that Scott thinks of me at random times. There was no special occasion, or argument that required flowers, I got them just because. The absolute best kind of flowers to get! Not only did I get flowers, but was surprised by them twice. He brought one to me at Josh and Mindie's (that was good enough), and then I got home and there were even more! Wonderful Husband....Gotta Love him A LOT!

Moral of the story, I'm trying to live my life one day at a time and enjoy the little things that happen everyday. I am so blessed. I have a great family, an AMAZING husband, great great friends, & most importantly a great GOD! I just need to slow down and give God control of my life again! It's hard not to want to grab the steering wheel of life every once in a while, but riding along with God brings peace.

P.S. can't wait for Indian food and Christmas shopping tomorrow!

AMAZING GOD!

2008-11-09T18:08:00.000-08:00

Wow! So I teach the 5th & 6th graders at church on Sunday mornings. This morning, Jacob (the children minister's son), passed out these cards that had some encouraging phrases on them. He held them face down and had each kid pick one randomly. After everyone was done picking their card, he gave the LAST one to me. I looked at it and almost cried. This is what it said:

Trust in HIS timing
Rely on HIS promises
Wait for HIS answers
Believe in HIS miracles
Rejoice in HIS goodness
Relax in HIS presence

If you read the post before this, you might understand why this was so powerful to me. Every single one of these "things to do" related to me. While all relate to me, two really stood out. First, Believe in HIS miracles. I think I really struggle with BELIEVING god will perform miracles in MY life. I have the faith that he CAN do it, and even believe he WILL do in others' lives', but where I fail in my faith is believing he will do it in MY life. God has performed many miracles in my life, but at this point, I have a hard time believing he's going to do something else great in my life. Maybe I'm not thankful enough, or faithful enough, but I just don't believe. Currently, I'm having a hard time believing I could actually get a great job after graduation, and that Scott could get a great job. Whatever the reason for my disbelief (is that the word I want to use here?), I want to change. I want to believe God will do good things in my life. I want to believe he is going to provide me a great job after graduation, and guide me down the right path from here. I want to have the faith of a mustard seed that has the ability to move mountains! Maybe this is just normal "jitters" when one graduates from college, but I don't want to be NORMAL. The second one that really stood out to me was "Relax in HIS presence". I have been a "worry wart" ALL of my life. I was asking my dad when I was 6 about our financial situation because I thought we might run out of money. I definitely don't relax in HIS presence. Honestly, I'm not sure I would know how. How do you relax in the presence of God? I want to, desperately. Are there any practical answers to this question? When I figure it out I'll let you know, but for now, all I know to do is pray.

I'll get to it later...I want it NOW!

2008-11-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've always been a procrastinator, but not this bad...EVER! I have a bad case of senioritis. I'm usually pretty good at keeping up with my reading, homework, etc., but this semester has been terrible. All I can think about is graduating...which is normal for seniors...right? Well, I'm definitely ready, but what next. I thought I was going to PA school, but now I'm looking into nursing. First, I want to get a "real" job, so I can work on paying off debt. There are so many things to think about and I think my solution is to put everything off until tomorrow.On top of all that, my husband, Scott, wants a new job so that he can be more involved in building community & finding his "ministry". I feel like I'm in this dark hallway and the light is right there at the end, not even two feet away, but no matter how much I try to move forward I can't get there. I know it will come soon enough (in God's time), but I am a selfish, impatient, human, and I want it NOW! I know this is wrong, but right now this is how I feel. I am working on being more patient with God, and taking life one day at a time.

P.S. I need a new title for my blog page...any ideas?

Here I am.

2008-11-06T19:54:00.000-08:00

Okay so Scott wanted to make me a blog, and he started blogging, so I guess I can too. I probably won't actually spill my heart out until tomorrow, but my page looked really pathetic with nothing on it. So there you have it. I guess I can officially call myself a blogger now. Be back tomorrow.