the one about The Shack

Well I have been waiting since the summer to read The Shack, and after I graduated I started it. I finished it last night and I found it to be an awesome and easy read. I don't really want to give any of the plot away, but I will say that if you are struggling with really knowing who God is and what kind of being he is, this might help you understand a little better. Even if you aren't struggling and just want a better understanding this book opens the door to that. I'm not saying this book is the answer to all of your struggles, but it definitely points you in the right direction. As I was reading the book, I continued to feel like the author was speaking right to me. It is a novel, but when I read it I felt closer to God. I know this sounds crazy. How can a book make me feel closer to God?. Well, it gave me a visual of who God The Father, The Son, and The Spirit is. While I hope that I will not be restricted to this visual only, it was good to have it. It was a perfect picture of the three of them. Obviously the author is not God, and cannot say what God looks like or how he/she acts, but based on the picture the Bible gives us, the author did a great job portraying God. I know a lot of people have been a little freaked by who the author represents God as (the human body), but it's symbolism, and no one knows what God looks like, so just go with it. All that said, I definitely recommend reading it. Even if you don't read books, this one was AMAZING! Also, you can get the audio version if you listen better than you read. READ IT!

P.S. I passed all my classes and am now officially a UTD Alum. Now I just wait for God to open the next door.

the one where I made a fool of myself

Well I fooled myself and made a fool of myself today. I checked to see if my Genetics grade (the grade that will determine if I really graduate or not) was posted yet and I thought I passed! I got really excited jumped up and down in front of everyone at my parents house. I sat back down and realized that was my midterm grade :-(

Still waiting to see if I actually graduate. Praying for a miracle.

He is the Potter, I am the clay

I was thinking this morning on my way to work about how I really have no clue what is happening next as far as whether I'm going to get another job, go to nursing school, or what. And, I realized God is teaching me something...what? I don't know yet. But, I know he's teaching me something. Perhaps, it's to trust in him more (something it seems like I am constantly having to learn!), or maybe it's something completely different. It's very weird for me (Type A, anal retentive personality) to not know the plan. I have a plan. I know what I want. I don't know if it is going to happen that way though. I guess I never know how things will happen, even when things are going according to MY plan, but this time....I have NO CLUE! So I know it seems this is the same thing I have talked about for the last few posts, but hang in there. So, this morning when I was thinking about it I wanted to slap myself because I realized, who better to be in control of my life than the person who knows me better than I know myself. And so what if I don't get to go to nursing school, or PA school, or med school. Maybe God has a totally different plan for me. I think I'm afraid to give into his plan because I feel like I will be disappointing other people, but really the only person that matters is God! I can't disappoint him if I follow his will...right? I think I'm beginning to find comfort in knowing that God is in control. As hard as it is for me to give up that control, I know he will do what is best for me if I let him.

I have in no way shape or form figured out how to give that control to him completely, but I want to, and I will continue to pray for him to continue to work in me!

Life starts now

Well I've been thinking lately about what I'm going to do after I graduate. I want to get a job (to start paying off the little bit of debt we have), but it seems sooooo overwhelming looking for one. I'm not even sure what/where to look. Then I keep thinking about the fact that if I get a full time job, I won't be able to sleep in and spend the day with my husband when he has them off. See with the job I'm at now, I can take the day off...no biggie. I don't want to lose that flexibility and freedom. I want to be able to sleep in sometimes on weekdays, not get up everyday at 6 or 7 o clock to go to work for 8 - 9 hours. I think I'm starting to realize I don't really want to graduate...crazy huh??? Don't get me wrong I can't wait to have that diploma in my hand and walk across the stage with those most important to me there for support, but at the same time I want it to end there. I want to make money and start a family, but when I think about the work and time I am giving up...I start to have second thoughts. Really it's time with my husband that I'm losing the most of. He generally works evenings and I will be working days....everyday! When will I see him?? Hopefully he can get a new job soon too!

Then, there is trying to figure out higher education. I plan to go to nursing school and then get my doctorate in nursing...AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Right now my head feels like it is about to explode and I feel like I vomiting words onto this page. I feel conflicted and I'm not sure what to do :-( Hopefully God will answer prayers soon! Until then, I wait...on HIM....and search for a job.

Small Delights!

Well I can't sleep. I think I just need to wind down a little, but nonetheless, I can't sleep which means I'll blog instead.

A pretty amazing thing happened today. I got an email from UTD stating that my financial aid has been adjusted to reflect my graduation in December. This means they are giving me more money! YAY! It's amazing how God knows exactly what he's doing and when to do it. Gotta love him!

On top of that, I got my grad announcements yesterday which makes everything seem even that much closer! I can't wait to get them all sent out, but first I need to get a picture taken. Thanks to the coolest friend ever I should have one by Sunday! Kady's going to take my pics for me and I'm so thankful for that! Gotta love her too!

AAAAANNNNDDDD, Scott got me tulips the other day! I LOVE getting flowers, well any gifts for that matter, but flowers are great. I know it seems girly and all, but I love that Scott thinks of me at random times. There was no special occasion, or argument that required flowers, I got them just because. The absolute best kind of flowers to get! Not only did I get flowers, but was surprised by them twice. He brought one to me at Josh and Mindie's (that was good enough), and then I got home and there were even more! Wonderful Husband....Gotta Love him A LOT!

Moral of the story, I'm trying to live my life one day at a time and enjoy the little things that happen everyday. I am so blessed. I have a great family, an AMAZING husband, great great friends, & most importantly a great GOD! I just need to slow down and give God control of my life again! It's hard not to want to grab the steering wheel of life every once in a while, but riding along with God brings peace.

P.S. can't wait for Indian food and Christmas shopping tomorrow!

AMAZING GOD!

Wow! So I teach the 5th & 6th graders at church on Sunday mornings. This morning, Jacob (the children minister's son), passed out these cards that had some encouraging phrases on them. He held them face down and had each kid pick one randomly. After everyone was done picking their card, he gave the LAST one to me. I looked at it and almost cried. This is what it said:

Trust in HIS timing
Rely on HIS promises
Wait for HIS answers
Believe in HIS miracles
Rejoice in HIS goodness
Relax in HIS presence

If you read the post before this, you might understand why this was so powerful to me. Every single one of these "things to do" related to me. While all relate to me, two really stood out. First, Believe in HIS miracles. I think I really struggle with BELIEVING god will perform miracles in MY life. I have the faith that he CAN do it, and even believe he WILL do in others' lives', but where I fail in my faith is believing he will do it in MY life. God has performed many miracles in my life, but at this point, I have a hard time believing he's going to do something else great in my life. Maybe I'm not thankful enough, or faithful enough, but I just don't believe. Currently, I'm having a hard time believing I could actually get a great job after graduation, and that Scott could get a great job. Whatever the reason for my disbelief (is that the word I want to use here?), I want to change. I want to believe God will do good things in my life. I want to believe he is going to provide me a great job after graduation, and guide me down the right path from here. I want to have the faith of a mustard seed that has the ability to move mountains! Maybe this is just normal "jitters" when one graduates from college, but I don't want to be NORMAL. The second one that really stood out to me was "Relax in HIS presence". I have been a "worry wart" ALL of my life. I was asking my dad when I was 6 about our financial situation because I thought we might run out of money. I definitely don't relax in HIS presence. Honestly, I'm not sure I would know how. How do you relax in the presence of God? I want to, desperately. Are there any practical answers to this question? When I figure it out I'll let you know, but for now, all I know to do is pray.

I'll get to it later...I want it NOW!

Okay, so I've always been a procrastinator, but not this bad...EVER! I have a bad case of senioritis. I'm usually pretty good at keeping up with my reading, homework, etc., but this semester has been terrible. All I can think about is graduating...which is normal for seniors...right? Well, I'm definitely ready, but what next. I thought I was going to PA school, but now I'm looking into nursing. First, I want to get a "real" job, so I can work on paying off debt. There are so many things to think about and I think my solution is to put everything off until tomorrow.On top of all that, my husband, Scott, wants a new job so that he can be more involved in building community & finding his "ministry". I feel like I'm in this dark hallway and the light is right there at the end, not even two feet away, but no matter how much I try to move forward I can't get there. I know it will come soon enough (in God's time), but I am a selfish, impatient, human, and I want it NOW! I know this is wrong, but right now this is how I feel. I am working on being more patient with God, and taking life one day at a time.

P.S. I need a new title for my blog page...any ideas?

Here I am.

Okay so Scott wanted to make me a blog, and he started blogging, so I guess I can too. I probably won't actually spill my heart out until tomorrow, but my page looked really pathetic with nothing on it. So there you have it. I guess I can officially call myself a blogger now. Be back tomorrow.