the one about The Shack

Well I have been waiting since the summer to read The Shack, and after I graduated I started it. I finished it last night and I found it to be an awesome and easy read. I don't really want to give any of the plot away, but I will say that if you are struggling with really knowing who God is and what kind of being he is, this might help you understand a little better. Even if you aren't struggling and just want a better understanding this book opens the door to that. I'm not saying this book is the answer to all of your struggles, but it definitely points you in the right direction. As I was reading the book, I continued to feel like the author was speaking right to me. It is a novel, but when I read it I felt closer to God. I know this sounds crazy. How can a book make me feel closer to God?. Well, it gave me a visual of who God The Father, The Son, and The Spirit is. While I hope that I will not be restricted to this visual only, it was good to have it. It was a perfect picture of the three of them. Obviously the author is not God, and cannot say what God looks like or how he/she acts, but based on the picture the Bible gives us, the author did a great job portraying God. I know a lot of people have been a little freaked by who the author represents God as (the human body), but it's symbolism, and no one knows what God looks like, so just go with it. All that said, I definitely recommend reading it. Even if you don't read books, this one was AMAZING! Also, you can get the audio version if you listen better than you read. READ IT!

P.S. I passed all my classes and am now officially a UTD Alum. Now I just wait for God to open the next door.

the one where I made a fool of myself

Well I fooled myself and made a fool of myself today. I checked to see if my Genetics grade (the grade that will determine if I really graduate or not) was posted yet and I thought I passed! I got really excited jumped up and down in front of everyone at my parents house. I sat back down and realized that was my midterm grade :-(

Still waiting to see if I actually graduate. Praying for a miracle.

He is the Potter, I am the clay

I was thinking this morning on my way to work about how I really have no clue what is happening next as far as whether I'm going to get another job, go to nursing school, or what. And, I realized God is teaching me something...what? I don't know yet. But, I know he's teaching me something. Perhaps, it's to trust in him more (something it seems like I am constantly having to learn!), or maybe it's something completely different. It's very weird for me (Type A, anal retentive personality) to not know the plan. I have a plan. I know what I want. I don't know if it is going to happen that way though. I guess I never know how things will happen, even when things are going according to MY plan, but this time....I have NO CLUE! So I know it seems this is the same thing I have talked about for the last few posts, but hang in there. So, this morning when I was thinking about it I wanted to slap myself because I realized, who better to be in control of my life than the person who knows me better than I know myself. And so what if I don't get to go to nursing school, or PA school, or med school. Maybe God has a totally different plan for me. I think I'm afraid to give into his plan because I feel like I will be disappointing other people, but really the only person that matters is God! I can't disappoint him if I follow his will...right? I think I'm beginning to find comfort in knowing that God is in control. As hard as it is for me to give up that control, I know he will do what is best for me if I let him.

I have in no way shape or form figured out how to give that control to him completely, but I want to, and I will continue to pray for him to continue to work in me!

Life starts now

Well I've been thinking lately about what I'm going to do after I graduate. I want to get a job (to start paying off the little bit of debt we have), but it seems sooooo overwhelming looking for one. I'm not even sure what/where to look. Then I keep thinking about the fact that if I get a full time job, I won't be able to sleep in and spend the day with my husband when he has them off. See with the job I'm at now, I can take the day off...no biggie. I don't want to lose that flexibility and freedom. I want to be able to sleep in sometimes on weekdays, not get up everyday at 6 or 7 o clock to go to work for 8 - 9 hours. I think I'm starting to realize I don't really want to graduate...crazy huh??? Don't get me wrong I can't wait to have that diploma in my hand and walk across the stage with those most important to me there for support, but at the same time I want it to end there. I want to make money and start a family, but when I think about the work and time I am giving up...I start to have second thoughts. Really it's time with my husband that I'm losing the most of. He generally works evenings and I will be working days....everyday! When will I see him?? Hopefully he can get a new job soon too!

Then, there is trying to figure out higher education. I plan to go to nursing school and then get my doctorate in nursing...AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Right now my head feels like it is about to explode and I feel like I vomiting words onto this page. I feel conflicted and I'm not sure what to do :-( Hopefully God will answer prayers soon! Until then, I wait...on HIM....and search for a job.