First of all, if you don't know my adoption story refer to the following posts. It's a good place to start.
Adoption Story
(you're going to have to follow more links in that post to read the first few stories. But, I figured that was easier than posting all of the links again in this post. C'mon, I'm not a pro blogger)
Anyway, after you read those (or already know the story), it just keeps going.
About 3 weeks ago I arrived at my Parent's house to clean and my sister was crying. She informed me that she found our biological mother on Facebook and there were pictures of us as babies/toddlers. For those of you who don't know, I have waited my whole adopted life (20 years) to have baby pictures. It may not seem like a huge deal, but you probably have baby pictures. If you don't, you might understand. Anyway, I quickly went over to the computer to look at them. I wanted to cry. I was staring straight at my oldest daughter Elizabeth. It was crazy. Of course, it was really me as a baby/toddler. We continued looking at pictures and Reilly then informed me that she sent Renee (my bio mom) a friend request. OH MY GOSH! I was really angry at first because she didn't discuss it with me first and when we've talked about it through the years, we've agreed that we would do it together. Obviously, we process things very differently. I'm the overthinking, analyzing every detail, playing scenarios through my head type of person and Reilly is the impulsive, lets do this kind of person. I'm thinking about everything that friend request means. How it opens the door to a world I'm not ready to step into. Reilly is just excited because she's always wanted to meet her bio mom and she found her. Period.
After I got over being frustrated and mad at Reilly, I started to get excited for her. FOR HER. I hadn't even really begun to process through my own feelings. Part of me didn't want to. Part of me didn't really know how. I wasn't prepared for this. I didn't want to find/meet my bio mom. I remember/know everything that happened during the first 4 years of my life. Reilly knows, but it didn't happen to her. It's hard to get it unless it happened to you. She has just always had a longing to meet her bio mom. I understand that, but I still didn't really know how to process (honestly, I'm not sure I've figured it out yet). I did, however, know it meant more than just meeting our bio mom. It meant an entire family that has been waiting to find us for years. A family who only wanted what was best for us and couldn't take care of us. Somehow, I've always known that. I knew there would be tons of people, not just one person.
Renee accepted Reilly's friend request, but didn't respond to her message. After a few days, Reilly wrote on her wall to tell her to check her messages. The next morning, at 5:30 am, Reilly texted me to call her ASAP. Elle happened to have woken me up around that time and I knew it meant Renee had responded. She was so excited to hear from Reilly and didn't respond sooner because she didn't really know who Reilly was and didn't know Reilly sent a message. She told Reilly to call her that afternoon when she got off work. After she messaged back and forth with Renee on Facebook, several family members started sending requests and messages. Reilly started to feel overwhelmed. But, not in a bad way.
Reilly called me later that morning not sure if she should call Renee or not. She had started to realize what this meant. Now, she was processing more like I do. I told her the door had already been opened and if she wanted to meet Renee, now was the time. She called Renee and they talked for quite a while about different stuff. Renee invited us to Heather's (cousin) house for Thanksgiving that Saturday. When Reilly first told me I was thinking "HELL NO", but told her I didn't know if I was ready to meet that many people at once. It might be overwhelming. Well, of course it would be overwhelming, but after thinking and processing some more, I decided it might be better than 20 different meetings. So, I told Reilly we could go if she wanted. But, Scott was coming too.
I got on Facebook and had requests and messages too. I still hadn't processed. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I accepted the friend requests and wrote back, but was still in a big fog of feelings. Seriously, for these last few weeks I have been in a fog and not myself. Just ask my friends. I started to get excited about meeting the family. These are the people I have always wondered about. The people who had to let me go, so I could have a better life. I can't imagine doing the same. We made plans. We RSVP'd. This was really happening.
You can take a coffee/tea/snack/water break if you need to.
Oh, I forgot to mention, I have 3 brothers. 3 BROTHERS! I was only some what excited to meet them though. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I had 3 brothers. And, now, as I type this tears fill my eyes because I have 3 brothers. Anyway, the day to meet everyone came around and we all packed up (my parents too) and drove to Little Elm. I wasn't ready to meet anyone. I was going to support my sister. I still had barely begun to process my feelings about all of it, much less having brothers. When we got there, Anthony, my youngest brother, was standing outside. I immediately felt overwhelmed with love for him. I had felt nothing before that moment. Nothing. As soon as I wrapped my arms around him, I couldn't help but cry. I was holding my brother. MY BROTHER! He is absolutely precious (I can say that because he's my little brother). We went inside and met everyone else. My bio mom, bio grandmother, Aunts, Uncle, Cousins. All of them. It was wonderful, overwhelming, scary, and a whirlwind of other feelings I can't even begin to describe.
I hope there will be more bloggable moments to come from this. I hope that God works some great miracles through all of this happening. In case you didn't realize it, this is kind of a BIG deal. I'm still having a hard time realizing what has happened. It feels so surreal and movie like. It doesn't seem like my life. But, it is. I hope that God uses me through all of this. That he will continue to bring beauty from the ashes of my life. I have no doubt that he will.
Also, I finally got my baby pictures. They are on Facebook. But, here is a pic of my brother and I...
