Community.

I've never experienced it quite like this. A family that accepts me for exactly who I am. A family that is constantly challenging me to be a better person, individually and in my marriage. A family that is supportive. A family that I can cry with, laugh with, and just be with. I've never experienced it quite like this and I never want to experience life without it. This is heaven on earth.

p.s. I have a wonderful "biological" family that is actually not biological at all. My parents are some of the best, but I'm not talking about that kind of family. The family described above is the one I have chosen to walk with in my spiritual journey.

the one with the song.

Just a few thoughts I've had this week:

I hate being sick. HATE it. Especially when there is no end in sight. Hopefully soon.

I miss my sister... A LOT!

Why is that when someone is struggling with something, other people want to comfort you by telling about other peoples struggles. Let me explain. My sister is going through something terrible. She is rebelling against everything she was ever taught...pretty much. Anyway, my grandmother proceeds to tell my mom of another girl my sister's age who is going through the same thing. Then says, I thought it would make you feel better to know that someone else is going through the same thing. AHHHHH! Why does it make us feel better to know that other people are hurting too?? Why do we want other people to go through the same pain?? Shouldn't we hope that others wouldn't have to go through that?? I think it is good to hear success stories. Those would make me feel better, but to know that someone else is in the same situation just makes more sad for them. I feel like I'm not really making sense, but I hope I made some sort of point. Hopefully.

Being sick this week I haven't been thinking so much about my current job situation and stuff. I think I've been trying to avoid it, which is probably going to suck when it surfaces, but I do love this song. Everytime I sing it, I feel like it is affirming everything I feel. The fear of the unknown, beyond my comfort zone. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Francesca Battistelli Lyrics - I’m Letting Go Lyrics

My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge

Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

the one with the new pj's

Since Friday I haven't been feeling very good. See my dad got the flu and since I've been so stressed, my immune system is non-existent and now I have the flu. ARGH! I've never had the flue before...NEVER. Well that is until now. So, I celebrated Valentine's day drugged up on psuedoephedrine.

Other than being sick it was one of the best Valentine's day ever. Josh & Mindie had a few couples over for dinner so that we didn't have to spend a lot of money going out. It was amazing. They did such a good job of making it special for everyone. Oh yes, lets not forget the amazing dessert Kady made. AMAZING! Celebrating with our close married friends (plus Courtney & Blake) was perfect. We are so blessed to have such great friends!!

I also got some new PJ pants....so cute. I got Scott beer (with our current financial situation he hasn't been able to have any lately). It was perfect. We are not usually big on V-day, but this year was good. It was a good reminder of how much we do love each other. With all the stress lately, we've just been kind of short with each other. It was good to spend some time focusing on why we love each other.

the one with the fighting cats

I just want to start by saying, I feel like my posts that have actually been about "real life" issues, have been kind of negative lately. I am trying to process through life and I feel like blogging helps me. So hang in there with me. Hopefully they will start having a more positive feel as I continue to process and grow. Please continue to pray for me as well.

The last week for me, I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Life is great in almost every area, but there is one big area that makes a huge impact on every thing else....finances (this includes looking for a job). Have I ever mentioned how much I hate money and what it does to people, including myself?? I mean I know that money is a good thing. It provides us with a means to housing, food, clothing, and fun, but when we don't have it, it seems to make life that much harder. Anyway, this last week has been the worst. I've really been struggling with trusting God. Not necessarily that I don't trust him, but just the fear of what is next. Knowing he will provide, but not wanting to sacrifice anything. Even though I know he will provide, it scares me to not know what is going to happen. So the struggle for trust continues. My life story. I'm trying to change. I have been my whole life. It's a constant growing experience for me. Right now I'm having terrible growing pains. I can only describe it as feeling like I am stuck in quicksand. I can't move, and I don't know what to do to get out. I am talking to God, but he hasn't talked back yet, or maybe I just haven't been listening. ARGH!

So, I am asking, how do I trust God more?? Does anyone know??

On another note, I was hanging out with Kady tonight after group (much needed Kady time), when all of a sudden we hear this weird sound. We both stop talking and just look at each other. Kady described it as crying children, in a creepy, horror movie sort of way. Two of them. I thought it sounded like a dying cat. So, we called the husbands in and told them. They went outside to check it out (what brave men we have). They found two cats fighting, or mating, or something evil. Just imagine the sound of cats fighting right outside your window. Creepy huh???

the one with all the poop!

No joke. Actual human poop. So this is how it goes. Molly, Mindie, and I were shopping for a certain someone's baby shower at walmart. We walk down this aisle and Mindie asks "Did someone fart? It smells really bad." Then Molly says "It smells like baby poop!!!" Then we all look down to find that Mindie and Molly have both just stepped in baby poop. Really it was toddler diarrhea, but either way...GROSS! So, since I am the only one with poop free shoes, I go find a lady to call maintenance. She acts kind of like it's not a big deal, but says she will call (I think maybe she didn't understand what it was). After waiting 15 minutes I decided I needed to go find someone else. She obviously was not very clear that it was poop. I found a man this time and when I told him what happened he looked at me like "you're kidding, right?" NO, I wasn't kidding and this was kind of a serious matter since Molly and Mindie couldn't move...they had poop on their shoes! finally after another 10 minutes a guy starts to walk past us...we all start yelling "over here". He come over like it's no big deal. I tell him what it is and he just looks at us. Takes his good ol easy time putting on some gloves while we stand there smelling POOP! Finally, Mindie and Molly get the poop off their shoes and we can leave. As we are leaving we notice that he is just going to mop the poop up. Nope, not going to wipe it up with paper towels first, just smear it all over the floor with a mop and probably not clean the water out...or the mop for that matter. Which means there will be a child's poop all over this walmart floor. EWWWWW!! Molly talked to a manager, we didn't have to stand in line to check out, and we couldn't stop laughing even though we were all very angry inside.

We decided after all this, that we really needed Braum's. They have vanilla sugar free ice cream. YUM.

P.S. It was the walmart of Spring Creek and 75...

Also, I feel that Molly will blog about this too. You should read her blog if she does. It really did happen.

the one about being thankful

I realized yesterday, and just now, that I have soooooo much to be thankful for, even in this time of complete chaos in my life.

I am thankful for my husband. He is my life, my support, and my love. He takes care of me.

I am thankful for my parents. They are also my support, and some of my best friends. They want only the best for me. They pray for me.

I am thankful for my close friends. They make me smile when I'm having a bad day. They pray for me. They push me to be my best. They give great advice (and may not even know it) ;)

I am thankful for my other parents (in-laws). They not only love me, but they like me. They support us. They pray for us.

I am thankful to have an education.

I am thankful that I have a place to live. It's warm and homey.

I am thankful to have food in my fridge and pantry. Food is important for survival.

I am thankful to have a church that I love to go to.

Most of all, I am thankful for CHRIST! Without him, I would be nothing. He is my hope and my salvation.

Despite all the "bad" things that have happened, or are happening in my life, I know I have it better than most people in this world. I am uneasy about the future, but I know God has the perfect plan. When I mess up and try to control my own life, I know he will be there to pick up the pieces when I fail. He's just great like that. This I am also thankful for!