I just want to start by saying, I feel like my posts that have actually been about "real life" issues, have been kind of negative lately. I am trying to process through life and I feel like blogging helps me. So hang in there with me. Hopefully they will start having a more positive feel as I continue to process and grow. Please continue to pray for me as well.
The last week for me, I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Life is great in almost every area, but there is one big area that makes a huge impact on every thing else....finances (this includes looking for a job). Have I ever mentioned how much I hate money and what it does to people, including myself?? I mean I know that money is a good thing. It provides us with a means to housing, food, clothing, and fun, but when we don't have it, it seems to make life that much harder. Anyway, this last week has been the worst. I've really been struggling with trusting God. Not necessarily that I don't trust him, but just the fear of what is next. Knowing he will provide, but not wanting to sacrifice anything. Even though I know he will provide, it scares me to not know what is going to happen. So the struggle for trust continues. My life story. I'm trying to change. I have been my whole life. It's a constant growing experience for me. Right now I'm having terrible growing pains. I can only describe it as feeling like I am stuck in quicksand. I can't move, and I don't know what to do to get out. I am talking to God, but he hasn't talked back yet, or maybe I just haven't been listening. ARGH!
So, I am asking, how do I trust God more?? Does anyone know??
On another note, I was hanging out with Kady tonight after group (much needed Kady time), when all of a sudden we hear this weird sound. We both stop talking and just look at each other. Kady described it as crying children, in a creepy, horror movie sort of way. Two of them. I thought it sounded like a dying cat. So, we called the husbands in and told them. They went outside to check it out (what brave men we have). They found two cats fighting, or mating, or something evil. Just imagine the sound of cats fighting right outside your window. Creepy huh???
2 comments:
Brittany... I totally identify with this point in your journey... As I'm sure you remember, we dealt with the whole unemployment/little-to-no-money thing for a few months, and it is pretty much miserable. However, it is amazing to see God come through in different ways. And, those things are what remind us that He is trustworthy...
As for your question... I think trusting God is definitely more an action, and not so much a feeling. We trust Him by living in response to the fact that He is trustworthy by nature. Our trust for Him can't be based on our feelings because we pretty much would only trust Him a small portion of the time. Keep pressing on, and keep us posted on your journey. I love your frank questions.
Hebrews 12:1 You can do it!
@molly Thanks for the encouragement. Honestly, I've never really thought of it being more of an action than a feeling. I've always associated my uneasiness about things with not trusting him, but maybe that's just my human nature and really, trusting him is how I respond to that?? Is this at all in the same ballpark as what you are saying? I think I understand...
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