Step 1: meet the parents

Alright, I kind of took a long break from writing my story. It continues...

My dad had a dream on Tuesday of the week we went into foster care, that he was going to adopt two little girls. At this point he didn't really know what it meant, but he knew it was different than any other dream he'd ever had. that weekend he got a call from a lady that used to work with him, Martha. Martha was the cousin of Mary, my foster mom. She hadn't talked to my parents in 3 years, but knew they had been trying to have kids, and felt the need to call them. She called to see if they had been able to have kids or if they were still trying. My parents had just recently gone to the Doctor to find out they couldn't have kids the "normal" way. They started discussing other options and were considering in vitro. When Martha called to tell my dad about two little girls that her cousin just got through foster care, he realized they went to church with extended family of my foster parents and had actually played basketball with my foster dad the previous fall.

My dad discussed it with my mom and she didn't even think twice before agreeing to meet us. When most women might have thought they wanted to try and have their own kids first, my mom didn't have a second thought. This miracle is two fold b/c remember my sister and I were 4 & 9 months at this point. When most people think of adoption they think of babies. My parents knew I was older and we came as a package. They were okay with that. Thank you God. The other part is that at one point CPS wanted to give us back to our birth parents. My foster mom had even given them beds for us. CPS was literally taking us back to their home and they had packed up and left. My mom always wonders if they knew we'd be better off with someone else. I'm just grateful God had a better plan for us.


I don't remember the first time I met my parents, but I have pictures and they tell me stories. I was so excited to meet them, I was waiting by the front door when they arrived. I was so desperate to feel loved that before they could even make it to the door I ran out and literally jumped into my Daddy's arms. It was love at first sight.

We spent some time getting to know them, and, according to my parents, they knew then that it was right. So, the process began.

My parents began the classes and the two year journey to becoming parents (and, I think 9 mos is a long time to wait). It was an emotional roller coaster for them, but one that had a happy ending.

At this point my parents knew we were theirs, but they had to take some classes and go through some evaluations before they could become our legal parents. During this time, the "community group" my parents were a part of at their church, held many prayer sessions petitioning God on our behalf. After going through most of the process they were told by our first case worker that they were the couple chosen to be our parents. Come to find out that case worker spoke before she was supposed to and so CPS told my parents the process had to start from the beginning and they were no longer in the running to get us. Heartbreak. Can you imagine. I can only equate this to what might be a miscarriage for women who are able to get pregnant. Obviously, this is not true physically, but emotionally it must have been terrible. Well, God had more to say about that. Shortly after my dad got a call that they lost our file and had to start completely over. My parents were back in the game, this time against twice as many couples.

IT'S A GIRL!

Oh blog how I've missed you :-)

November 6, 2009 - the day that our dear friend August Dae Runnels came into this world.

Also, the day my world was rocked. I was convinced I was having a boy. I just knew the sonographer was going to look at his little privates and say "you're having a boy". Oh how wrong I was.

It took a total of 30 seconds for her to show us her parts, but we now know that we are having an Elizabeth Reilly. I literally sat up a little and said "What, it's a girl". In shock I laid there as we watched the sonogropher find all her organs and make sure her kidneys were working. It was unbelievable.

Knowing the gender creates a bond beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I love being able to call her by her name and play with her as she kicks me. Part of me never wants her to come out. I love that it's just me and her. She is my little secret.

Of course, I still cannot wait to meet her, but I am really hoping to enjoy the next 4 months of just me and her. It's crazy. I am 5 months today. Wow, 5 months have flown by fast. I look at little August and think about how it just seems like yesterday Mindie was telling me she was pregnant.

My favorite part about knowing the gender is to see Scott's reaction. He didn't really react when we got the sonogram, but I've seen a side of him I've never seen before. Scott has never been one to "want" to hold a baby, especially a newborn. He's kind of always had the mentality of his father. That is, they don't do anything when they are that little, so what is the point.

Ever since he's known we are having a girl, he wants to hold August and Eve as much as possible. He wanted to go to the hospital to see August more than I did (which is a lot b/c I really wanted to see her).

Oh, and my dad has been so funny too. He recently fulfilled his life long dream of having a Harley, and he is determined that Elle is going to be a Harley chick. He has already bought her several pink Harley things. He even bought her this really cute leather jacket for when she is 3. haha. She already has her daddy and Grandpas wrapped around her little fingers.

"Every Daddy needs a little girl...and so does every grandpa" :-)

pregnancy update

Well, the first trimester is over. How time flies, but hopefully this means my energy is back and I will have more time to do the things I loved before, like blog.

I am 15 weeks 5 days. My baby looked like an alien when I got a sonogram, and he/she was soooo cute. I am loving pregnancy so far. I love the joy of knowing in a few months I will have one cute baby of my own.

Sometimes I get scared, like when I am dog tired and I realize after the baby is here that's how I'll feel all the time. But, really so far that is the only thing that scares me. I just can't wait for him/her to be here.

I am most excited to see the look on my husband's face when he gets to hold him/her for the first time. I can't wait to see what this baby looks like. All the possibilities, it's so hard to imagine. Will he have blonde hair, or maybe even red hair?? Will he have blue eyes or green eyes? Will his hair be curly or straight? I assume it's a boy, but will it be a boy or girl?

It's so amazing that there is this human that is a part of me. this human that will grow for the next few months and form a bond with me. this human that is already loved so much by so many and we've never even seen him/her. God is so amazing.

Scittle!

So if you haven't heard....Scott and I are going to be parents. That's right....parents. Crazy, huh???

Well we were trying to get pregnant and now God has blessed us with a little energy hog! This baby needs the energy I guess, but boy am I exhausted. I guess it didn't help that I got a cold the day after I found out I was pregnant. :-)

So, I actually didn't know I was pregnant, and at first didn't think there was a chance, but Saturday I started to wonder. Friday night I was really hungry and feeling kind of nausuas, but thought it was just b/c I was hungry. Then later friday night I was at walmart with Scott & Reilly and I started craving pickles after smelling them...yummy! At this point Reilly was joking that I was pregnant. She didn't even know we were trying.

Saturday day came and that dreadful time of the month was supposed ot come with it. I waited and waited and waited and it never came. On top of that I kept smelling these realy awful things that made me gag, but no one else was smelling them. Later, when I asked my mom if she suspected something, she said "no, I actually thought you might be having neurological problems". hahaha.

So, Saturday I left my parents at about 8:00 pm and stopped at Target to get cat litter (which I can't change now) and pregnancy tests. Weird combination, but I thought what the heck lets take one just in case. I honestly did not think it would be positive. I got home about 9:00 and took the test right away cuz I had to pee really bad. I peed in a cup just in case that dreadful time of the month decided to show up right then. I stuck the stick in, counted to 20 and turned it around. OMG. There it was. The line. I am pregnant. I cried. Poored the cup out (before I could take a 2nd test). Ran around screaming and crying for no one but Sadie, Duchess, and Patch (who obviously did not care at all). I got dressed again (let's face it, I was already in my pj's), took off to Best Buy so that Scott and I could celebrate together and tell my parents. I told his mom on my way there.

We told my parents and my mom was literally speechless, but both were excited! My mom cried, and cried, and is probably still crying. lol. We proceeded to tell more family and friends and will probably continue to spread the news for the next few weeks! So exciting and we are so BLESSED!!!

So, Scittle = Scott + Britt + Little :-) You can think my aunt for that one!

p.s. Skittles are scott's favorite candy!

Today at lunch!

I went to lunch with my Dad today. We went to Dickey's.

As we were talking I felt something wet drop on my neck. I looked up expecting to see something dripping from the ceiling, but instead I heard a guy behind me apologizing.

He squeezed a jalapeno and it squirted on me! After a good laugh we continued our lunch and joking about it.

It was fantastic since my morning wasn't as funny :-)

Random thought for the day!

I love green beans!

D-I-V-O-R-C-E!

I HATE IT! I hurt for the children that have parents that would give up so easily. I hurt for the families that will be torn apart by two selfish human beings.

There is already enough hurt in the world, why do we have to make it worse by taking something so amazing and full of love, and turning it into something that people despise. Why has marriage become something we can check in and out of with no second thought.

Marriage is hard. It wasn't intended to be easy. When two people stand up and say their vows, they should be doing just that. Making vows. Those vows state "for better, or for worse". I know it's a little cliche, but it means something to me. It means more than just something. It means I'm ALL in. I'm NEVER going to give up. Forever, for always, and no matter what!

I know I'm venting out of anger, but these things, they hurt me. They hurt me a lot. I feel very strongly about them. Why? I don't know. Maybe b/c I have parents who loved each other enough to fight through the hard times. I know what a great marriage looks like and it is a terrible thing when two people give up too early. I've never experienced divorce and I don't know where my passion comes from, but I have it. Now, I just need to figure out how God is going to use it through me.

Stories from foster care!

I don't really remember a ton about foster care, but the few things I do remember are funny, sad, and comforting!

I remember I had my own bedroom with lots of toys and it was decorated in precious moments. I will never forget precious moments. Anytime I see them to this day it reminds me of the warm love I felt in foster care. My foster dad used to read to me at night before bed and a lot of times he would read out of these two precious moments books. I still have them. Precious moments bedtime stories & stories from the bible.



I remember how the pages smelled and I just love the stories in them. I still have the books and I've noticed after my sister has spent the night a couple of times, the books laying next to her bed :) We still find comfort in them.


Also, my room was ALWAYS clean. I started early as a neat freak. I have a picture of myself right after I cleaned my room and I was sitting at my little table coloring. It was my reward for cleaning. I rewarded myself back then just like I do now!

Another thing I "remember" is that I threw some pretty terrible tantrums. And when I say tantrums I mean, kicking, screaming, breaking toes, call the police kind of tantrums. WHAT!? Brittany?? YES. I broke my foster mom's toe once b/c I kicked it. Another time the neighbors called the police b/c they thought I must have been being abused. (I assure you, I wasn't. I was just a confused, screwed up 5 year old).

My favorite thing about foster care though was how much I was loved. In all the chaos, I had some sort of stability. I had two people that loved the HELL out of me! I know I didn't realize it then, but I realize it now and that is why it is my favorite memory.

Hopefully I will remember more things about foster care and can add them later, but for now this is what I got.

Sleepover follow up!

On May 22, 2009, I invited 5 girls over to spend the night. Girls who are in 5th & 6th grade. No, I don't have my own daughter and it wasn't a birthday party. Yes, it was a brave move, but one I am very glad I took.

I have been teaching these girls every Sunday for the past year or so. I've been building a relationship with them over time. Some of the best relationships I've ever had. These girls have shown me that pre-teens who have their hearts turned to God are AMAZING!!!

We ate LOTS of junk food, played a game, played with Sadie, watched a movie and fell asleep EARLY! Okay 11:00 pm is early for a bunch of preteen girls. I wanted to go to bed at 9:00 when we were playing the game. LOL.




These girls were so good at including everyone. There was one girl who didn't want to listen to "scary" stories so she was going to sit in the other room. One of the other beauties went in there and told her she should just come listen to one b/c they aren't that scary and if she didn't like it she could leave. What a perfect example of the heart of Jesus! Reaching out to those who feel left out! This is just one example of trying to include this particular girl. 5 is an odd number and it's hard to include everyone, but they were GREAT!

When I was a preteen girl, most of my friends (not me of course) would have made fun of her for being scared or something. I am so impressed by the hearts that my girls have. They are truly beautiful young ladies and I LOVE THEM!

I can't wait till our pool party!

change

It's coming. That's all I have to say about that.

Funny Story

my mom...oh my mom...she told me this funny story about herself. Yes, I did get permission to post it!

Friday, my mom was on her way home from work early to get ready for her 2nd night of anniversary celebration. 28 years! That morning she noticed that she had 14 miles til empty. She has one of those cool cars that tell you exactly how far you can go! Well she decided she could get to work, but she would have to stop on her way home.

Ha! My mom...she forgets a lot. Well Friday was no different. She was driving down I-30 and around Motley drive her car just turned off. :-) She still had pretty good speed and she could see a gas station at the next exit. She decided to try and coast. Well she did...most of the way. She pulled into the gas station and it had an ever so slight incline and her car stopped about 5-6 feet too short.

This is where my mom's brilliance comes in. "I'll just put the car in neutral and push it forward a little" she thought. I bet you can guess where this is going. Well she put it in neutral and started pushing. She drives a Ford Edge. It's heavy. The truck starts rolling back and she tries to run and jump into the drivers seat. What a sight to see.

That didn't work so great for her. The car knocked her on the ground and nearly ran over her. The tire grazed her thigh. She's lucky it didn't run over her leg.

Well that's not the end. Her car is still rolling and runs into this old little pickup truck, with an old man sitting inside. It obviously startled him. He gets out with a terrified look on his face and then my mom realizes he can't talk. He just had a tracheotomy. He had to write everything.

He hadn't seen anything prior to this, so my mom told him the story. His faced changed from being terrified to being horrifically concerned. He then pulled his car forward, since my mom's was out of gas, so they could survey the damage. Nothing really wrong with his car, but my mom had a dent so they decided to part their ways, but before doing so he wrote my mom a little note. "Remember, don't leave the car in neutral". HAHA!

But wait, there's more! Then a man pulls up in a little sports car to ask my mom is she is okay. She said she was and asked if he'd seen what happened. He said he was driving down the highway and saw the whole thing. He got off the next exit and turned around to make sure she was okay. This story just kept getting better and better as she told it! A man from the highway saw the whole thing and turned around :-). Can you imagine!

My mom was so embarrassed, she couldn't even tell my dad. She finally told him Saturday morning and then told me that afternoon! It made my weekend.

Sleepovers

This Friday, May 22, I will be having a sleepover, at my house, with 4-6 5th & 6th grade girls. I'll let you know how it goes.

I don't remember the last time I had a sleepover. Junk food, healthy food?, doing nails, bible study, movies, girly talk! This could be interesting!

Babysitting

Wow. I haven't babysat for a couple years.

Saturday I babysat two little, adorable boys. Part of it made me not want to have kids, but then the other part made me realize how mother's get past the first part.

These boys were hilarious. My family and I could not stop laughing! I barely held my composure that night.




So the evening started at my parents house. We were going to dinner, but while we were waiting the boys played games on the xbox 360 while we waited for my dad to be done on the computer. The boys said a word that my mom describes as "weebles", but it sounded kind of like "weebos" to me. My mom asked what it meant and the 5 yr old said "it's the private parts of SOME boys have". My sister realized they were saying "Huevos" which in spanish evidently refers to male private parts. :-)

On the way to dinner the boys thought it would be great to play with some toothpicks. I soon realized this would end up in someone getting hurt. Little did I know that someone would be me. I told them to give me the toothpicks and they did. Only one of them ended up stuck in my hand. I pulled it out and quickly began to bleed. The 5 yr. old told me it would eventually stop bleeding. He had no sympathy. The 8 yr. old said "You should just stab him back. But, that would be venting." Then the 5 yr. old said "Yea. That would be venting your anger". LOL.

We went to Cristina's for dinner, but the 5 yr. old didn't agree to go there. He wanted to go to Pei Wei. He said he wanted egg soup. I discovered something new about my mother tonight. She is a big marshmallow. My mom decided it would be a good idea to go to Pei Wei and get him the soup he wanted and bring it back to Cristina's. Ha. He did say "thank you" and give her a hug, but it was soon followed by "you didn't get chopsticks?". He wanted to eat his soup with chopsticks :-).
I had the great idea to let him use two straws as chopsticks. Ha. It was hilarious. He eventually just started sucking it down.

We got through dinner all in one piece although the chips were all in pieces on the floor. On the way back from dinner someone let one loose. I thought it was one of the boys, but they blamed it on my dad. That's when I realized the true culprit...my mom. When I said it out loud, the boys both said "No, it was your dad. Mom's don't fart." I asked what mom's do if they don't fart and they said "they smack his butt". hahahahaha.

We got back to my parents house and the boys were playing xbox again. They were playing football and the 5 yr. old said "guess what? The indian redskins are winning. I mean the African redskins! OMG. I could not stop laughing. Where does he get this stuff!

We left when the 5 yr. old said "Can you get me some dessert". I knew it was time for bed. He was getting demanding.

Oh what a night!

First step to true love

CPS picked us up one night, in the freezing cold. My sister was wearing a diaper and a think blanket. She had a bottle filled with whole milk that was half spoiled and clumpy. To this day she hates milk. I was wearing minimal clothing and hadn't eaten in a long time. It was dark and cold. We were on a street corner being used to make drivers feel sorry for us so that they would give my parents more money. If only they had known we would not benefit from any of it.



CPS took us to foster care. We had wonderful foster parents. Patient, loving, Christian foster parents. They were angels sent from God. I was 4 yrs old and my little baby sister was only 9 mos. old. I was psychologically confused. I was abandoned, abused, neglected, and hurting. I was acting out. I threw terrible tantrums.


One time I was so upset about something, my foster mom couldn't get me to calm down, and when she tried to hold me I kicked her and broke her toe. Patience. When most foster mother's would have given up she pushed through. She knew I needed stability. She was willing to pay the price for that.

My foster mom made all of our clothes. I had so many dresses and matching bows, socks, and shoes for every outfit. I had an outfit for every holiday and special occasion. We were spoiled.




My foster dad would play for hours with us. He would let the little girls crawl all over him and pull on his hair. He would play video games with us. He would play with us outside. He would curl our hair at night. He would take us to school. He would pick us up from school. Things that seem so basic, but things that we needed. Things that most people don't even think twice about, but things our birth parents did think twice about and didn't do.

We had another sister in foster care. Shannon. She was too cute. Her and my sister were about the same age and most of the time they looked like twins.

We had a dog named Red.

Foster care was a safe haven for my sister and I. A place where we experienced what love meant. The first place we felt safe to sleep at night and the first place we had consistent nutrition, clean clothes, and baths. It was a home. Maybe not permanent, but a home. A warm in the winter, cool in the summer home. A home where Christ was the center and it was evident in the love that poured out of my foster parents.


More to come....

In the beginning...

I decided recently that I wanted to record my life story in some way. It's a pretty awesome story. Not b/c I'm awesome, but b/c GOD IS AWESOME! So, I decided my blog would be a nice place to store this story. It will take several posts, but eventually it will be out there for all the world to see!

Here it goes...

I'd like to say it all started with a man and a woman that fell madly in love got married and had two beautiful little girls, but that's not true. It really began with a man and a teenage girl. No love. Just lust.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that God decided to bring me into this world, but it wasn't this picture perfect family...at first.

My birth mom had me when she was 17. Shortly after, she became depressed, dropped out of school, and started drinking and doing drugs. Both of my birth parents dove deep into this lifestyle.

Miracle #1: This is just a story. Obviously not a memory. When I was 9 months old, my maternal grandfather was drunk and abusive. He decided it would be fun to drop a baby on her head. He dropped me onto a brick fireplace hearth. Broke my skull and put me in the hospital for a few days. No brain damage, although some might argue otherwise. God had a better plan for me.

I don't really remember a lot in those times so I will skip ahead 3.75 years. Welcome baby girl #2. Deeper into drugs and alcohol. No home. On the streets. Begging for money to buy drugs and alcohol. Using two little girls as leverage. Disgusting.

Thank you CPS for stepping in and protecting two innocent little girls. CPS gets a bad rap for things that happen in the foster care system. Let me just say, no government agency is perfect. It's not possible b/c humans are not perfect, but CPS caseworkers have a hard job. HARD. I know they do their best and I am forever grateful for what they do.

On to foster care for nearly two years....

update on the job front

I didn't expect this to be so overwhelming. Overwhelming, but good. I know there is just an adjustment phase, but I wish it wasn't this long.

One of my clients yesterday yelled at me saying "I am disappointed in you Brittany. You have been working here 2 months and think you know everything" in response to me making sure he got checked in to the hospital. It took everything in me not to turn around and yell "NO, I don't. Actually it's quite the opposite. I feel like I know nothing".

It's true. I feel kind of like I'm "climbing up a waterfall". Interesting. I know it will all get better. I do feel like I am getting in the swing of things, but I just wish the adjustment was faster.

Anyway, I have lots of crazy stories, but I'll have to share those in another blog.

my favorite day of the week...well one of them.

I love Thursdays. Office night at the Runnels!

The difference between cats and dogs

Acquiring a dog has made life with cats very interesting.

Cats: pee in litter box, sleep, eat, poop in litter box, sleep, eat, need to be cuddled, sleep.

dogs: bark really loud till you let them out, drink, pee on floor, eat, poop on floor, sleep, run around like CRAZY!, sleep, need to be walked, cuddle with master, chew on everything, sleep, steal toilet paper and shred it all over living room, and finally sleep.

So, why did we get a dog? I don't know, but every time I look at her sweet face I fall in love again!

Okay, she really isn't that bad, we just had a tough day today with potty training. Really, it was my fault for not paying attention and catching up on 24 instead. It was great. Good to relax and pretend like Keifer Sutherland is really saving the world.

Also, the cats are SLOWLY warming up to Sadie. By warming up, I mean they come out of their room and hiss at her...one step at a time though!

Reflections on 1 Corinthians 12:12

Unity. It doesn't mean the same. It doesn't mean only one. It does mean together. It does mean for one purpose.

Unity. It brings us together. In Christ, it's what makes us "the body". It doesn't mean everyone will agree on every single theological point. It does mean we all agree on the most important one: Jesus is LORD!

Unity. It does mean we can set aside our differences to worship Him. It does mean we each bring something to the table & we accept each person for who they are and what they can offer.

Unity. It does mean we urge one another to use our gifts. We encourage, congratulate, and love one another. We offer a love that no one can refuse.

We are in Christ unified. One unit but with many parts. Each part knowing his or her importance. If even one does not know then there is no longer unity.

There must be room for forgiveness, grace, and love. There must be a foundation. His name is JESUS! Only in Him can there be UNITY.

Couldn't have said it better myself

“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. Love is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God. On this love the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it.”

-- C.S. Lewis

the one with the crazy busy life

OH MY GOODNESS!

I love my job, BUT I am definitely having to adjust to having less "free" time. I am a tv junkie and I am like 3 weeks behind on most of my shows. I guess it probably doesn't help that I got a puppy.

Sadie-Grace is doing great though. She is still sweet as ever!! She is getting so big. We have had her for 2 weeks and she has grown twice as big as when we first got her. CRAZY!! Scott and I have had kind of a rocky time trying to figure out how to train. We've had some disagreements.

But, thanks to my good friend, Molly, I have been reading the book "The Loved Dog". It's amazing! If you are a dog lover, or have a dog....READ IT!! Anyway, we've been able to figure out how we are going to train her and what she is and isn't allowed to do.

My cats are still not adjusting well, but they are getting there. They slowly are making their way out into the main part of the house more and more. I think they are mad at us. They just don't understand why we would need a dog. But, evidently neither does Josh :-)

And, I shall end with a story. A funny one if you aren't me. Embarrassing if you are the employee at walmart.

So I went to walmart with my mom. We were looking for some aqua colored weather safe pillows. As we were walking out the employee asked if we found what we needed. I told her no and that my mom was looking for a specific color. She then asked "for the baby?". "What baby?" I asked.

Look of horror appears on her face. But, that's not the end. "You're not fat" she says, "You just have a big belly". OMG! Seriously. I know I gain weight in my belly, but that was just rude. Then, she tried to convince me I'm pregnant (and tried to give me one of her kids).

I guess it's time to go back on weight watchers. Monday morning will be the start. :-)

P.S. I am NOT pregnant!!!

the one with the new puppy

Scott and I got the sweetest puppy ever. Really. I'm not just saying that. She is soooooo calm and I love her.




She is a Lab mix of some sort. She was abandoned. The family that I used to nanny for, found her (along with her brothers and sister) on their farm. She is adorable.

She is Black and White, with the softest fur. Her name is Sadie-Grace "Oreo" Johnson.

The cats are not so excited about her. I let Sadie get used to the house a little before I let the cats out. Duchess came out and new immediately that something wasn't right. She kind of walked around cautiously.

She jumped up on the couch next to me and was licking me and such. She looked over and saw Sadie laying on the other side and realized Sadie was alive. Then she proceeded to jump half way across the room and back to the den. She hasn't been out since. lol. Hopefully she will warm up to Sadie and they will be great friends one day. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. We'll see.

the one with the new job

Well, the time has finally come. I got a new Job. Thank you God!

Last Tuesday, on my way home from work, I spent the entire drive talking to God. We were having a great discussion. I was saying how I didn't know if I was listening, or if he just wasn't speaking to me yet. I asked him if I should wait for the job at metrocare, or if I should be looking for something else.

There was another place I had applied, but they prohibited going to school. I didn't like the idea of not having that freedom to take a class. I wouldn't want to go back full time, but not even one class...not good.

But, I asked God if I should go ahead and pursue it. I didn't know what his plan was, so for me to completely turn something down didn't seem like the right thing either.

The next day I got an email from my mom saying one of the team leads for another team was interested in me (the lady texted my mom). I kind of felt like this was my answer from God. "Just wait for me."

Well, good thing I did. His timing is perfect. The position opened Monday (the day before this long discussion with God). Diane (my supervisor) just happened to be standing with the right people at the right time (or really maybe God just had her there at the right time). And, the job is perfect for me.

I will be a case worker for the RAP (rapid assessment and prevention) team. I will work mostly from home and my car. I have to go in for a meeting once a week at 10:00 am. Other than that I make my own schedule. I have to see a certain number of patients a week, but I'm a pretty organized person, so I don't see this as being a problem. My supervisor is not a micro manager and she is a strong Christian! She knows I am considering Grad school and she is okay with that. She knows I have no experience, and she is okay with that. Also, I get a cell phone stipend.

The best thing about this, is the process. I was so afraid of the process, but really all God wanted was for me to be okay with it. To be okay with whatever he had in store for me, even if it was going to be hard. As soon as I stopped holding on to this idea of how I wanted things to happen, God opened doors. As soon as I completely surrendered to him, he took control and good things happened.

God has taught me so much through this. Don't get me wrong the journey is no where near over and I am still learning a lot. I still don't know what the rest of my life (school, work, & family) looks like, but I know God has his perfect plan. I know he's going to take care of me & I'm definitely okay with the process. I may have to remind myself of this many times, but it's one step closer.

I do want to ask all of you who are reading my blog to hold me accountable to one thing. I don't want to be that person that gets a new job and then complains about every aspect of it. I don't anticipate this happening, but if I do, please do not be afraid to call me out on it. I want to be joyful about my job. That's not to say that I won't have a bad day or two, but I don't want those days to be the only ones I talk about.

God is Amazing!

the one with all the baptisms

Today was a different kind of church service. Instead of a "normal" sermon from our pastor, he talked a little bit about what baptism means and then 40 people were dunked! Many of those 40 were children. Not like in a baptizing babies kind of way. These children were taught about what it means and the commitment they'd be making if they decided to get baptized. These children chose to take that next step with God. AMAZING! God tells us that unless we become like children, we cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. I want to be like the children I saw (and helped) get baptized today. It was truly one of the greatest experience in my life to be up there baptizing my girls today!

p.s. I will post soon about my new job!

the one with cheap cable

I called Time Warner Cable today to see if there was anyway to suspend our cable for a few months without having to disconnect everything and send equipment back. The lady that I was connected with said "well let me look at your account and see if there is anyway I can make it affordable for you. " Alright. Wouldn't hurt....right?? Glad she did. She gave us the DVR for free for the next 6 months and saved us $30 on our monthly bill. Yippee! Turning off the cable is not a huge deal for me. Really I only have it for the DVR. I'm a tv junkie, but it's all network shows that I can watch online now. Now, I can still keep my cable and save money. So, moral of the story: if you have cable, satallite, or anything else that is a luxury item, try calling to see if they can give you a discount. It might just work and it wouldn't hurt to try. What's the worst thing that could happen? You'll end up paying the same amount your paying now!

the one with all the word vomit

I mentioned before that I trust God to provide my needs, but I wasn't okay with the journey. I know the "end", but I don't want to read the story. I think....THINK, I'm ready for the journey. I THINK I'm okay with what God has in store for me. I want to so bad, maybe I just need to say it?? So here I am saying, I am okay with whatever I might experience before God provides a job. I'm okay with not being able to eat out. I'm okay with turning off the cable for now. I'm okay with cutting back on everything if that is what it takes. At least I think I am. One step at a time. One tiny baby step at a time.

My journey through this terrifying time in my life continues. I still have a job, but it is supposed to end at the end of March. I did hear that the place I interviewed wants to hire me, but I'm not sure how legitimate this rumor really is, and I don't know when the hiring will happen. Is God telling me to wait? Or, should I be putting all my energy into finding a new job? The rumor came from a pretty reliable source, but should I put all my "eggs in one basket"? I need God to write it out in the clouds. I don't have enough faith in myself to listen. I am always second guessing. How do I know if God is really talking to me?

On another similar note, I'm still searching for what the future holds. What is next for me? Am I supposed to go to graduate school? What do I do once I get a job? Is that it? Can I start expanding my family? This process is one that I don't think I was really expecting to go through after graduation. I knew what I wanted to do with my life and now I don't. A terrifying place to be. I thought I knew what God wanted me to do in my life and now I don't. Even more terrifying. Which brings me back to "How do I know if God is really talking to me?". How will I know what to do next if I can't even hear what God is saying? Am I not listening, or is he not talking yet?

So I feel like I just vomited words everywhere. I'm not sure if this makes any sense, or if I've moved forward at all. I feel like such a mess right now. My thoughts are constantly running 100 miles a minute. So fast I can't focus on one. A whirlwind. I feel super emotional and I could lose it at any moment. Although sometimes I feel like I have no emotion at all. I am not okay. ARGH!

My goal this week is to learn to delight in the Lord and ALL he has to offer. I love him. I worship him. I am in awe of him. I want to delight in his will.

Community.

I've never experienced it quite like this. A family that accepts me for exactly who I am. A family that is constantly challenging me to be a better person, individually and in my marriage. A family that is supportive. A family that I can cry with, laugh with, and just be with. I've never experienced it quite like this and I never want to experience life without it. This is heaven on earth.

p.s. I have a wonderful "biological" family that is actually not biological at all. My parents are some of the best, but I'm not talking about that kind of family. The family described above is the one I have chosen to walk with in my spiritual journey.

the one with the song.

Just a few thoughts I've had this week:

I hate being sick. HATE it. Especially when there is no end in sight. Hopefully soon.

I miss my sister... A LOT!

Why is that when someone is struggling with something, other people want to comfort you by telling about other peoples struggles. Let me explain. My sister is going through something terrible. She is rebelling against everything she was ever taught...pretty much. Anyway, my grandmother proceeds to tell my mom of another girl my sister's age who is going through the same thing. Then says, I thought it would make you feel better to know that someone else is going through the same thing. AHHHHH! Why does it make us feel better to know that other people are hurting too?? Why do we want other people to go through the same pain?? Shouldn't we hope that others wouldn't have to go through that?? I think it is good to hear success stories. Those would make me feel better, but to know that someone else is in the same situation just makes more sad for them. I feel like I'm not really making sense, but I hope I made some sort of point. Hopefully.

Being sick this week I haven't been thinking so much about my current job situation and stuff. I think I've been trying to avoid it, which is probably going to suck when it surfaces, but I do love this song. Everytime I sing it, I feel like it is affirming everything I feel. The fear of the unknown, beyond my comfort zone. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Francesca Battistelli Lyrics - I’m Letting Go Lyrics

My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge

Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

the one with the new pj's

Since Friday I haven't been feeling very good. See my dad got the flu and since I've been so stressed, my immune system is non-existent and now I have the flu. ARGH! I've never had the flue before...NEVER. Well that is until now. So, I celebrated Valentine's day drugged up on psuedoephedrine.

Other than being sick it was one of the best Valentine's day ever. Josh & Mindie had a few couples over for dinner so that we didn't have to spend a lot of money going out. It was amazing. They did such a good job of making it special for everyone. Oh yes, lets not forget the amazing dessert Kady made. AMAZING! Celebrating with our close married friends (plus Courtney & Blake) was perfect. We are so blessed to have such great friends!!

I also got some new PJ pants....so cute. I got Scott beer (with our current financial situation he hasn't been able to have any lately). It was perfect. We are not usually big on V-day, but this year was good. It was a good reminder of how much we do love each other. With all the stress lately, we've just been kind of short with each other. It was good to spend some time focusing on why we love each other.

the one with the fighting cats

I just want to start by saying, I feel like my posts that have actually been about "real life" issues, have been kind of negative lately. I am trying to process through life and I feel like blogging helps me. So hang in there with me. Hopefully they will start having a more positive feel as I continue to process and grow. Please continue to pray for me as well.

The last week for me, I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Life is great in almost every area, but there is one big area that makes a huge impact on every thing else....finances (this includes looking for a job). Have I ever mentioned how much I hate money and what it does to people, including myself?? I mean I know that money is a good thing. It provides us with a means to housing, food, clothing, and fun, but when we don't have it, it seems to make life that much harder. Anyway, this last week has been the worst. I've really been struggling with trusting God. Not necessarily that I don't trust him, but just the fear of what is next. Knowing he will provide, but not wanting to sacrifice anything. Even though I know he will provide, it scares me to not know what is going to happen. So the struggle for trust continues. My life story. I'm trying to change. I have been my whole life. It's a constant growing experience for me. Right now I'm having terrible growing pains. I can only describe it as feeling like I am stuck in quicksand. I can't move, and I don't know what to do to get out. I am talking to God, but he hasn't talked back yet, or maybe I just haven't been listening. ARGH!

So, I am asking, how do I trust God more?? Does anyone know??

On another note, I was hanging out with Kady tonight after group (much needed Kady time), when all of a sudden we hear this weird sound. We both stop talking and just look at each other. Kady described it as crying children, in a creepy, horror movie sort of way. Two of them. I thought it sounded like a dying cat. So, we called the husbands in and told them. They went outside to check it out (what brave men we have). They found two cats fighting, or mating, or something evil. Just imagine the sound of cats fighting right outside your window. Creepy huh???

the one with all the poop!

No joke. Actual human poop. So this is how it goes. Molly, Mindie, and I were shopping for a certain someone's baby shower at walmart. We walk down this aisle and Mindie asks "Did someone fart? It smells really bad." Then Molly says "It smells like baby poop!!!" Then we all look down to find that Mindie and Molly have both just stepped in baby poop. Really it was toddler diarrhea, but either way...GROSS! So, since I am the only one with poop free shoes, I go find a lady to call maintenance. She acts kind of like it's not a big deal, but says she will call (I think maybe she didn't understand what it was). After waiting 15 minutes I decided I needed to go find someone else. She obviously was not very clear that it was poop. I found a man this time and when I told him what happened he looked at me like "you're kidding, right?" NO, I wasn't kidding and this was kind of a serious matter since Molly and Mindie couldn't move...they had poop on their shoes! finally after another 10 minutes a guy starts to walk past us...we all start yelling "over here". He come over like it's no big deal. I tell him what it is and he just looks at us. Takes his good ol easy time putting on some gloves while we stand there smelling POOP! Finally, Mindie and Molly get the poop off their shoes and we can leave. As we are leaving we notice that he is just going to mop the poop up. Nope, not going to wipe it up with paper towels first, just smear it all over the floor with a mop and probably not clean the water out...or the mop for that matter. Which means there will be a child's poop all over this walmart floor. EWWWWW!! Molly talked to a manager, we didn't have to stand in line to check out, and we couldn't stop laughing even though we were all very angry inside.

We decided after all this, that we really needed Braum's. They have vanilla sugar free ice cream. YUM.

P.S. It was the walmart of Spring Creek and 75...

Also, I feel that Molly will blog about this too. You should read her blog if she does. It really did happen.

the one about being thankful

I realized yesterday, and just now, that I have soooooo much to be thankful for, even in this time of complete chaos in my life.

I am thankful for my husband. He is my life, my support, and my love. He takes care of me.

I am thankful for my parents. They are also my support, and some of my best friends. They want only the best for me. They pray for me.

I am thankful for my close friends. They make me smile when I'm having a bad day. They pray for me. They push me to be my best. They give great advice (and may not even know it) ;)

I am thankful for my other parents (in-laws). They not only love me, but they like me. They support us. They pray for us.

I am thankful to have an education.

I am thankful that I have a place to live. It's warm and homey.

I am thankful to have food in my fridge and pantry. Food is important for survival.

I am thankful to have a church that I love to go to.

Most of all, I am thankful for CHRIST! Without him, I would be nothing. He is my hope and my salvation.

Despite all the "bad" things that have happened, or are happening in my life, I know I have it better than most people in this world. I am uneasy about the future, but I know God has the perfect plan. When I mess up and try to control my own life, I know he will be there to pick up the pieces when I fail. He's just great like that. This I am also thankful for!

the one with the mirror maze

Scott and I got back from San Antonio today, and despite the fact that I was sick all weekend, it was a great trip. Thanks mom and dad! My sleep schedule is crazy. I woke up this morning at 3:30...wide awake and couldn't go back to sleep. I finally fell asleep at like 8:00 and woke up again at 9:30. Anyway, here I am to tell you about the trip.

Friday: We Left at 11:00 am for San Antonio. Arrived about 4:30ish. We got checked in to the hotel, napped, changed clothes, and headed out. Dinner at the County Line (wasn't as good as we remembered). Trip to CVS to get Puffs plus Lotion and Vicks (don't like the Vicks so much). Headed back to the Hotel, napped (I was sick, so I had lots of these), changed, and then went to a movie. We saw Mall Cop, which was pretty funny. It was in a ghetto theater and I kind of feared for my life on the walk back home at midnight, but we made it and it was fun.

Saturday: Woke up late...YAY!!! We got up, got ready, and started walking the riverwalk. We were looking for a yummy mexican place. Out of all the mexican places on the river...we chose the worst one. It was gross...I won't even describe what my plate looked like. After lunch, we went back to the hotel and relaxed for a bit. That night we ordered room service...pizza and french fries (they were amazing)...and watched Another Cinderella Story on AMC family (this was Scott's idea). After the movie (which I fell asleep in), we went on our carriage ride. It was great. On the carriage ride we passed this place called "mirror maze". We were intrigued, so we stopped by on our way to get dessert. It was silly, but so much fun (pictures posted on facebook). After the mirror maze we went to The Hard Rock Cafe to get dessert...and tshirts. Yummy. Back to the hotel to watch Friends and sleep.

Sunday: Woke up late...YAY!!! Went to lunch at Chili's (wasn't the same without the Monday night friends), walked through the mall, and headed to the Alamo. I didn't know Scott had never been...at least he didn't remember it. So we went. It took an entire half hour of our day. We went back to the hotel, napped, changed, and headed out for the evening. First we went to a different Mexican restaurant for dinner, then we went on the boat tour (it was nice) at night. After the boat tour we went to get fudge (yum), and headed back to the hotel for more napping. We ordered room service...twice...once for creme brulee and milk...and once for those tasty fries I talked about earlier. Watched Friends and slept. 3:30 am I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I balanced the checkbook and watched Friends.

Monday: Woke up at 9:30ish to get ready...check out by 11:00. Scott went and got the car, while I paid the bill. Drove home...nothing exciting....I'm still sick. Stopped at San Marcos...went to Zales in my pj's. Home...

I want to go back...just so I don't have to come back to the real world of working, and waiting to hear back about the new job. It was fun and relaxing...just what we needed.

P.S. if you read this entire thing...I'm sorry.

The one with the explanation

Well, I had my blog titled as "the one all about brittany", but that sounded kind of conceited after I read it again. Hopefully you can find the humor in the titling of my blog and each entry. If not, sorry. So I changed it so that it didn't look like I was full of myself...just full of my thoughts :-)

On another note, I still haven't heard about the job I interviewed for last Friday, I think I'm getting sick (thank you scott), and I'm tired of seeing cute babies EVERYWHERE! But, I'm going on vacation this weekend and I listened to this great song in the car....

Call My Name by Third Day

It's been so long since
You felt like you were loved
So what went wrong
But do you know
There's a place where you belong
Here in My Arms

Chorus:
When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

The pain inside
Has erased your hope for love
Soon you will find
That I'll give you all
That your heart could ever want
And so much more

Chorus:
When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

You just call My name
You just call My name
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

You just call My name
You just call My name
You just call My name


The love I have for you is so alive
The love I have for you is so alive
You just call My name
You just call My name
You just call My name


Just a good reminder.

The one with the nap

I am just about to lay down and take a nap...a Sunday afternoon nap, and I was just thinking about being a little kid. See, when I was little my parents would bring us home after church and we were forced to go upstairs to our rooms and lay down to take a nap...even though we were never tired. We had a nap in the car for pete's sake. Anyway, I HATED taking a nap on Sundays. Mostly I think I just didn't like being told I had to take a nap. Here I am an adult who LOVES my Sunday naps...I mean LOVES. It's so weird that when we are kids we hate the things that are so much easier when we are kids. I hardly ever have time to take a nap...or at least I have other things I should be doing, but when I was a kid I had plenty of time to take naps. If only I had appreciated it more then. Why can't we appreciate things when we have them. Why is that it has to be taken away before we can appreciate it??? Stupid.

the one with all the randomness

A co-worker, and friend, kindly reminded me today that I had not blogged in a while. I've thought about blogging, but I feel like my blogs lately have been kind of negative. I don't want to be seen as a negative person b/c generally I'm not. I feel like God is molding me lately and I'm not feeling generally positive. I know God has the perfect plan and I guess am CONSTANTLY having to remind myself of this, but even having that feeling of security in him does not make it easier for me to be positive because I know that what God had planned for me may not be what I want. And, the journey will most likely not be an easy one...trusting is hard for me. I know I need to change my attitude...actually doing it is a harder story. Anyway, this is the type of blog I wanted to avoid. I'm not doing well. Need prayers. End of story.

Good news! Scott and I are getting to go on a vacation! End of January. Can't wait.

Also, while all of my co-workers are starting classes again, I can enjoy the freedom of not having too! It feels very weird to not be in school....very weird. I've been in school the last 17 years of my life and now I'm not.

Furthermore, I have not had any simple or refined sugar for 1.5 weeks now. I want a cookie really bad, but I feel a lot better. Basically, my body produces too much insulin. Simple sugars don't take long for the insulin to break down causing a fast fall in blood sugar levels. When this happens I get this feeling that is really hard for me to describe. Just imagine that every single nerve in your body was SUPER sensitive. Every noise, touch, light, or anything that stimulates sensory nerves makes me very irritable. It's kind of hard to explain b/c it's not a feeling that most people feel. It's not a normal feeling of irritability. It's not something I can control with my attitude. It is physical. Anyway, as long as I'm eating complex sugars and carbohydrates, it takes longer for the insulin to break it down. So far so good. I can still have fruits and other natural sugars, but if there is sugar added to something...it's no bueno. Eventually I will reintroduce yummy treats into my diet in very strict moderation. It seems this has become a life changing decision for me. A good one though.